


Marks On My Soul

by YamiAshy



Category: Yu-Gi-Oh! - All Media Types, Yu-Gi-Oh! Duel Monsters (Anime & Manga)
Genre: Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Blood, Depression, Eventual Romance, Eventual Smut, Friendship, M/M, Past Torture, Slow Burn, Suicidal Thoughts, Teasing, blowjob, mentions of cutting
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-24
Updated: 2021-03-03
Packaged: 2021-03-14 16:41:42
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 42,330
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29670198
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/YamiAshy/pseuds/YamiAshy
Summary: After the final battle in Egypt Bakura is ripped away from Ryou. Their souls split. Ryou is left shattered from it in both memory and soul. Food turns to ash in his mouth. Doing simple tasks is near impossible. Then, he started to forget. His mind is now no more than a mess of scrambled memories. Impossible to piece together.Until he hears Bakura's voice again.
Relationships: Bakura Ryou/Yami Bakura
Comments: 10
Kudos: 20





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I liked the idea of exploring Bakura and Ryou's relationship in more detail than the series does. I debated back and forth and finally came up with this! Enjoy! I appreciate all comments and feedback!

The apartment is dark and silent. The only thing to break the quiet is the low metallic hum of the fridge. All the blinds are closed, the curtains drawn, blocking out a majority of the sunlight trying to filter inside. A few bars filter through the cracks, highlighting the dust gathering on the floor and shelves. A chair sits wedged underneath the doorknob of the front door. There's no one knocking on it today, no distorted voices yelling through the wood. 

_What day is it?_ Ryou wonders as he stares blankly at the ceiling. Everything changed after the final shadow game. Bakura was ripped from him. _How long has it been now?_ Time doesn't feel the same. Day and night blend together in a way that he can't make sense of. Food turns to ash in his mouth. His entire body is numb but for the growing, aching hole in the center of his soul and the constant headache rhythmically pounding behind his eyes.

He grits his teeth and closes his eyes as the pain sharpens. Reality blends with his inner world giving him a sensation of vertigo as his bed disappears from underneath him. He falls through the inside of his mind. it's a mess, a jumble of broken memories scattered and flying around the darkness with no discernable order. His soul room is in the same disarray. Dark. Intricate models shattered. Figurines once made with love now scattered across the floor, their faces cracked or missing. Shattered glass. Books flung off the shelves, pages ripped out and thrown haphazardly over everything. Pillows ripped to shreds, stuffing scattered to the wind. Looking at the mess makes his chest hurt but Ryou has no clue where to begin in putting it back in order. A memory drifts past his face and he reaches for it, mental fingers just brushing the warped edge before it slips out of his grasp. Nothing fits together anymore.

Ryou takes a breath and concentrates on waking up. His stomach flips and cramps when he opens his eyes. "When was the last time I ate?" His throat scratches as he speaks aloud, his voice rough from not being used. He pauses after he speaks, waiting hopefully for a sarcastic biting response or even an insult but... there's nothing. Silence inside and out. Tears well up in his eyes but he brushes them away harshly with the heel of his hand. _I've spent too many hours crying already._

His stomach cramps and twists uncomfortably again, prompting him to move. His head spins as he pushes himself upright. The bandages on his thighs pull from the motion, twinging uncomfortably. He flinches when his bare feet touch the cold floor but slowly stands up. The bandages pull on his skin again. It's a different pain from the ones inside him. Sharper. It gives him enough clarity to stumble into the kitchen. He digs a cup of instant ramen out of the cupboard. He can't find the motivation to cook anymore. Some days he can't even manage to get out of bed to change his clothes. He stares blankly at the cup as it rotates in the microwave. _It doesn't matter what I eat anyway, it all tastes like ash._

_Yadonushi._ A faint whisper brushing past his ears, a brush of cold breath. The hairs on the back of his neck stand straight up.

"Bakura?" Ryou whirls at the feeling, clapping a hand over the back of his neck and sees... nothing. The same dark, empty apartment that's greeted him every time he opened his eyes. 

_Yadonushi._ Louder this time, directly in his ear.

"This isn't funny!" He whirls again, nearly losing his balance, and once more is greeted with nothing. No glowing eyes. No flash of white hair. "Where are you? Why did it take you so long?" Desperation creeps into his tone but there's no answer now. His brows furrow together as he concentrates, searching inside himself. He probes at the torn, raw edges of the wound inside of him. It feels the same as always, slowly spreading and eating its way through him. Ryou feels empty and torn. Broken. "You promised you would come back." A fresh wave of hurt, loneliness, and hopelessness threatens to choke him. 

The microwave beeps loudly, startling him out of his musings. Swallowing the pain, something he's had plenty of practice doing, he picks up his ramen cup. Its warmth leeches into his cold hands and as he sips the broth it slowly eats at the ice in his chest. The warmth feels good, even if the taste leaves much to be desired. He finishes it quickly and tosses the empty cup into the overflowing trash bin. 

Ryou glances longingly at his bed but instead paces over to the bathroom, picking at his clothes. He feels grimy, it's past time for a bath. He turns the water all the way to hot, pours in some bath salts, and plugs the drain to let it fill. He hikes his shirt up over his head, wincing when his fingers brush over his prominent ribs. _Don't think about it._ He shimmies out of his sweatpants and kicks his clothes aside. The hamper is overflowing with unwashed laundry, looking at it makes him feel tired. He turns his attention to the bandages decorating his outer thighs instead, set in neat evenly spaced lines. One by one he picks at the edges and tugs them off. They sting. Underneath the cuts have all scabbed over, dark red lines against his clammy pale skin. Thin silvery scars sit under them, nearly invisible. He trails a finger over them, resisting the urge to pick the scabs. _It'll only make them scar worse._ He reminds himself and focuses on pulling off his boxers instead. 

Leaning against the wall for support he carefully slips one foot into the hot water, then the next. It burns but Ryou welcomes the warmth. It chases away the shivers. He turns off the water as he slowly lowers himself the rest of the way into the tub, sighing. The warmth seeps through him, gentle and comforting, it melts the ice in his veins. He tilts his head to soak his hair as well, running his fingers through it to work through the tangles. The pounding in his head relents to a more tolerable level. He can almost relax like this.

His eyes feel heavy, he lets them drift closed and when he next opens them he's in his soul room, unsure of what drew him here. Ryou averts his eyes from the devastation. It pains him to look too closely at it. He knows he's broken, he feels more like an empty shell with each day Bakura is gone. He doesn't need a visual reminder too. He walks out of it, broken clay crunching under his bare feet, digging into his soles, and into his memories instead. 

These are as much a mess as his soul room, if not more. Periodically he's tried to piece them back together, in an attempt to stop his headaches, but it's always eluded him. It's too hard to grasp the ragged pieces of memory let alone fit them together in any sort of order. Ryou turns in a slow circle, watching the fragments fly past. On a whim he reaches out when one comes close, not expecting to catch it as usual, and his fingers close around the memory. 

_Yadonushi._ The voice again, directly behind him. 

Ryou's heart skips a beat and he whirls in the direction it came from. "Bakura?" He throws his mental voice as far as he can, searching, reaching with hope. _If I can hear him here then maybe..._ But the further he reaches the more his hope dwindles. "Nothing. Not real." He whispers.

_Yadonushi._ The voice persists, sounding irritated this time. 

"You don't get to be angry-!" He whirls around again, heart in his throat, and is greeted with the sight of nothing but his broken memories. No sign of Bakura. Silence. Another memory drifts out of the mess, sliding closer to him. His fingers close around this one too and he brings it closer, examining it. _It almost feels like..._ He brings the two pieces of memory closer together and they fit together like puzzle pieces, snapping seamlessly into one. 

\---

"How was school today Ryou?" His mother smiles at him as she sets dishes on the table. She's beautiful. Curled white hair falling in soft waves around her face, kind amber eyes. "Did you make any new friends?" 

"I did, we played tag." The lie rolls easily off his tongue. It makes his mom's smile more gentle, relieved. The other kids don't like him much but he isn't sure why. He's always excluded from group projects, picked last for team sports, and never invited to play during recess. Ryou doesn't mind though. He spends the time alone reading the history books his father gifts him or studying. He knows better than to tell his mom that though, she'd frown. _I like it better when she's smiling._

"That's great! I'm glad you're making friends dear." She reaches over and combs her fingers through his hair, pulling it out of his face. It's started to get longer, falling into his eyes and curling around his ears and neck. "Now, your father said he'd join us for dinner this evening. Where is that man?" She tuts to herself and paces into the hallway to the phone. 

Ryou watches her go while he eats. He misses his father sometimes but often it's easier when he isn't home. He doesn't like hearing them argue. They try to do it quietly but he can still hear them most of the time. Besides, his father's work is important. He tries to listen and understand when his father talks about it. His father's lectures on ancient Egypt and its artifacts are fascinating if a bit hard to comprehend. The rare times he's been able to visit the museum he loved it as well. 

His mom's voice drifts into the kitchen, it's hard to discern the words but her tone is soft and pleading. Ryou makes a small face at the sound, certain she's talking to Father. Her voice turns sharp and his little sister flinches. "It's okay Amane. Mom isn't angry with us." He leans over to soothe her.

\---

The memory melts away and Ryou opens his eyes, his physical eyes, and breathes in water. He bolts upright, coughing, choking, and heaving water out of his lungs. He must have slipped under while he was in the memory. The water is still warm but shivers still wrack through his body. The memory of Amane and his mom's faces linger in his vision. It was so vivid. 

"I don't... I don't understand Bakura." The pounding in his head has intensified again. He closes his eyes and rubs the heel of his hands over them, willing the visions to leave. "You want me to piece my memories back together by myself? Why?" The voice is, annoyingly, silent again. It's too much to ask for, the task too large.

_One problem at a time. Start small._ Ryou picks up his soap and washcloth to quickly scrub down.

\---

Ryou flops back on his bed in fresh clothes, a striped shirt, and a pair of soft pajama pants. Bakura's voice is still silent if it was ever there at all. "Bakura if you're here, if you're listening, I can't do this by myself. You always ask too much of me. Always." He closes his eyes against the rhythmic pounding in his head. "But... but if this will bring you back I'll do it. I can't think of any other reason you'd ask me to do this. Please if you're there, if I'm not imagining you, say something. I need you." His voice cracks on the words. He hates how weak he sounds. Bakura would torment him for it. "I need you." 

There's a tugging feeling in the back of his mind, one he often felt when Bakura was trying to seize control. He submits to it willingly, falling, and opens his eyes in the darkness of his shattered memories. The ones he pieced together earlier lay before him, seamlessly attached. It's not as comforting as hearing his voice or feeling Bakura's presence, but it's enough. "You want me to put them back together in order and as I do I'll re-live them." He looks around slowly, taking in the mess that his mind has become. It could take a lifetime to fix it by himself and he has little desire to re-live everything that's happened. _It's going to hurt. But if it's the only way to bring him back..._

Ryou takes a deep breath. Then another. "Okay. I understand." Holding the completed memory in his hand he steps into the mess, searching for the next piece of the puzzle to connect. One fragment stands out from the others and as he reaches for it, it drifts just out of reach, fluttering over his head. _That's the next one, I can feel it._ Frowning in concentration he jumps and grasps for it, only just catching the edge between his fingers. He yanks it down and presses it to the other memory pieces before he can change his mind.

\---

"This is for you Ryou." He's standing in his father's office at home. The man is holding a parcel wrapped in brown paper out to him. "It's an artifact I found on our most recent dig. I brought it back just for you."

Ryou accepts it with both hands, startled at how heavy it feels. "Shouldn't it be donated to the museum?" He sets it in his lap and tears at the edge of it. Gold spills out of the paper. It's a ring with a triangle in the center marked with an eye. Several gold spikes dangle from the bottom, they jingle as he rips open more of the paper. It looks valuable. 

"Normally it would be but this one is special. Go on, touch it." There's an unfamiliar glint in his father's eyes. It makes him nervous. "It's alright."

Hesitant, Ryou carefully runs his fingers along the outer edge of the ring. It's cold to the touch, but a warmth blossoms in his chest. It feels like a hole has been filled, one he never fully realized was there. "I... can I wear it? Even to school?" He grasps it firmly now without hesitation, not wanting that warmth to leave. The gold feels like ice under his palm but it slowly warms from his body heat. 

"Of course you can. Let's see, I think I have a bit of cord here somewhere..." His father shuffles papers around his desk and opens a handful of drawers before producing a length of brown cord. "Try this." He offers it to Ryou.

He accepts it and knots the cord through the smaller ring on top, careful not to lose contact with the artifact as he does. Finally, he slips it over his head and it lays cool against his chest. It's heavy but the weight is comforting instead of overbearing. "Thank you, Father, I love it. Where did you find it?"

"It was an unexpected discovery. The dig site was actually..." His father chats on about how they discovered it. Ryou only half pays attention to the explanation, the rest of his focus is on the ring. He runs his fingers along the edge and traces over the eye etched in the center. It's slowly starting to warm from his body heat. He can't help but smile.

\---

The wound in his chest feels raw and irritated, torn open anew from the memory. Ryou clutches the memories to his chest, gasping from the pain. "That was the first time I felt whole. I didn't realize something was missing until you were there, filling the hole." He takes short breaths, trying to breathe through the pain. He waits quietly, hoping for the voice again or to feel Bakura's presence, but there's nothing but the emptiness eating away at him from the inside out. 

"Bakura... this better bring you back." He doesn't want to think about the alternative. The pain dulls at last to a more manageable ache and straightens up. "I think the next one is..." He turns in a slow circle, searching for the correct memory piece. His eyes zero in on one. "There." He reaches for it and is met with less resistance this time. He catches it along with several other tattered pieces and carefully fits them together one by one as he's pulled into the next memory. 

\---

"Give it back." Ryou holds out a hand to his homeroom teacher demandingly. She's holding the ring by its cord away from him. His breaths are starting to come in shorter bursts, his vision narrowing until all he can focus on is the ring and the absence of its weight around his neck. There's a dark gnawing feeling growing in the center of his chest. "Please, give it back."

"You shouldn't be bringing things like this to school. It's sharp. You could hurt one of the other children, or yourself if you fall on it." She frowns and sets the ring in one of her open drawers. "You can have it back at the end of the day to take home. I'm also going to have to call your parents-"

Her words are unimportant, her voice sliding unintelligibly past Ryou's ears. He lunges as she closes the drawer, making a grab for the ring. His fingers slam painfully between the desk and the drawer but he ignores it. He yanks it back open and snatches the ring, holding it close to his chest. It feels icy cold after being apart from him. It soothes the throbbing in his fingers. "I'm sorry, I get anxious without it. You can call my parents or give me detention or anything but please don't take it away from me."

"I will be contacting your parents about your behavior. You have detention with me for the rest of the week. Go out to recess." She shakes her head, looking at him with disappointment, but Ryou can't bring himself to care.

He bows his head respectfully and hurries out. He slips the cord over his head as he walks outside, and breathes easier with its weight resting on his chest, leeching his warmth. _I have to start wearing it under a jacket. I don't want it to be taken away again. It felt awful._ The sun warms his face as he steps outside. It's loud. The other kids are running around on the pavement, playing hopscotch, or tossing balls back and forth. Having no desire to join any of them Ryou retreats to the shade against the side of the building and curls up. 

"I'm sorry. I let her take you away." Ryou traces over the eye etched into the gold. It's still cool but no longer like ice. He almost feels back to normal too. "I won't let it happen again. Promise. Mom taught me how to make flower crowns for my friends. Why don't I make you one?" He leans over and plucks some of the little wildflowers growing in the grass.

\---

"Ryou your homeroom teacher called me today." His mom glances at him in the rearview mirror. "She was concerned about your behavior."

"I'm sorry mom." Ryou can guess what his teacher said. He touches the ring, careful not to disturb the wildflowers that have been woven around the outer rim. "She took the ring from me. I was scared." The dark, empty feeling in his chest was terrifying. He never wants to feel that again.

"I know you're attached to it sweetie but your teacher made some good points. I want you to try leaving it at home tomorrow, okay?" Her eyes flick back to the road, they're coming up to an intersection.

Dread twists his stomach. "I don't feel well when I'm not wearing it. Please, mom? I don't want to leave it at home." Ryou leans forward between the seats to talk to her. He can see Amane in his peripheral vision, playing with her favorite doll. Ryou painted it for her last Christmas. "I'll apologize to my teacher, I'll wear it under a jacket but please don't make me- Mom!" He spots the car before she does, swerving through the red light and then- impact. He's thrown backward, his head thumps against the seat, the sound of crunching metal and then- darkness.

Ryou isn't sure how long he's stuck in the dark before the world starts to come into focus again. It smells like smoke. Ice-cold fingers trail over the perimeter of his face, probing over sore spots. A distorted voice slides past his ears, he can't understand what they're saying. His eyelids feel heavy but he forces them open, wanting to know who's crouching over him. There's no one there. The car is smoking and crushed, twisted sharp bits of metal and shattered glass everywhere. The seat in front of him is wrecked. His body aches and his head feels heavy, stuffed with cotton. When he moves a sharp, bright point of pain on the top of his head nearly makes him sob, but he's alive. 

"Mom?" Ryou coughs as he inhales smoke. His eyes are tearing up from the smoke, making it hard to see. "Amane?" He gropes for the lock on his seatbelt and is relieved when it unlicks. He turns in their direction when he doesn't receive an answer, trying to peer through the haze of smoke. It's too hard for him to make sense of what he's seeing. Twisted metal, wrecked seats, something dark and wet splattered across the shattered dashboard. "Mom? Amane?" 

There's a crunch and a pop above him, making him flinch. He ducks his head and covers it with his arms as the roof opens up above him. Sunlight streams in and strong arms lift him up and out. "You're okay now kid. We've got you." 

Ryou tries to look back into the car but his vision is blocked by the black cloth of the firefighter's uniform. "My mom and sister are still in there-" He coughs again, harsher this time. Each one wracks through his chest. The world spins as he fights to catch his breath. 

"My partners are working on getting them out. You need to get checked out in the meantime alright? The paramedics are going to help you feel better." 

He's set down in the back of a waiting ambulance. A paramedic kneels beside him, speaking words he can't register over the ringing in his ears. He stares at the firefighter's back as he walks away then his eyes drift over to their car. His stomach twists into knots at the sight of it. It doesn't remotely resemble their car. _I was inside that. I was inside that- where is Amane? Mom?_ The paramedic wraps a blanket around his shaking shoulders, repeating their questions. Ryou tears his eyes away from the scene to focus on them, "I'm... I'm sorry what did you say?" 

"What is your name? How old are you?" She repeats clearly while checking his pulse. "Your head is injured, keep still so we can clean the cut." 

"Ryou Bakura. Are my mom and sister okay?" He tries to keep still as she asked but his entire body is trembling now. His breaths are coming in shorter gasps. He wraps his fingers around the ring, squeezing it for reassurance. Some of the flowers survived the crash with him, they're soft under his fingers.

"The fire fighters are still getting them out of the car. Do you have a Dad? Another guardian?" Her fingers probe around his head wound and he resists the urge to flinch. "Can you give me their number?" 

"I- Yes, it's... " He stutters out the numbers and the memory melts away to the next. 

Ryou is sitting on a hospital bed waiting for his dad, an oxygen mask sitting beside him. He pulled it off himself, it was starting to bother him and he can breathe easier without it covering his mouth. His head stings where they gave him stitches and the skin feels tight but it's no longer a bright spot of pain. He wraps his arms around his waist to stave off the cold of the hospital and closes his eyes. He can hear the nurses chatting outside his open door at their station.

  
"The only survivor poor boy. He's so polite."

"He's lucky. Not sure how he survived it."

"The way that car hit... It's a miracle."

"Where is his father? It's been hours." 

Ryou covers his ears, not wanting to hear anymore. His heart aches and his eyes sting but he hasn't cried. At all. _Does that make me a bad person? Mom, Amane, I'm sorry..._

"Ryou?" His father's voice pulls him from his thoughts. It's rough but Ryou can't tell if it's from sadness or anger. When he looks up his father's expression is blank, unreadable. "It's time to go."

"Yes, father." He pushes himself off the bed to follow. His knees are a little wobbly but okay. "Are, where are... Can I see Mom and Amane?" 

His father's expression tightens. "Later. Come now. We're going home." 

\---

Ryou opens his eyes in the physical world with tear tracks drying on his face and a sob caught in his throat. His chest and nose burn with the memory of smoke. Bile rises in the back of his throat and he dry heaves. The old scar hidden under his hair is a bright point of pain as if freshly opened. He touches it, fully expecting to feel blood, but there's nothing but cold sweat sticking his hair to his forehead. "I can't- I never- I never wanted to relive that." He drapes his other arm over his eyes, swallowing another sob. His body feels weak. Shaky. "It was so vivid." He can still hear his mom's voice, repeating her final words.

_Yadonushi._ Cool air brushing past his ears. 

"Bakura?" Ryou doesn't look this time. He doesn't want the disappointment of seeing empty space again. 

No verbal response, just the feeling of cool air brushing past his cheeks, turning his tear tracks to ice. 

Ryou sighs softly at the feeling. "I know. You hate it when I cry. I'll keep working in a minute so just... let me rest for now." He gets no response from the phantom and sighs. He rubs his eyes and cheeks dry with the back of his hand before sitting upright. Nothing. Though he wasn't expecting to see anything, it makes his stomach knot with disappointment. 

He paces over to the kitchen and pours himself a glass of water to wash the lingering scratchy feeling of smoke from his throat. _If all of the memories are going to be that vivid I don't know if I can do this._ He grips the glass tighter, frowning. There's a lot of moments from the past years he would rather not re-live. _It was hard enough the first time._

_Yadonushi._ A persistent whisper in his ear, prompting him.

"I hear you." Ryou sighs softly at the prompting. He stares at the glass for a moment longer before draining it. The water churns uncomfortably in his empty stomach. _How long was I out for?_ He shakes his head at the thought and walks back to his bed. _I can't eat right now I'll just throw it back up. I started this, I'm going to finish it. I need Kura._ He flops back onto his messed-up covers and allows his eyes to drift closed as he slips back into his mind.

The memories he's pieced together lay at his feet, a shining partially completed form with tattered edges. He gingerly picks it up and runs his fingers along the ragged edge. "After that... what was next?" His eyes dart through the mess, picking out a handful of memories. The remains of his childhood. "We moved a year after the funeral." Ryou plucks them out of the air one by one, it's getting easier each time he reaches for them, and presses them into their proper place. "It was scary. Learning a new language was hard. The teachers didn't like me because of my hair. Father was never home. I had to learn how to cook." His fingers tremble as he fights back the tide of memories to press the last piece into place. He closes his eyes as the memories overwhelm him. 

\---

The funeral home smells musty. A mix of old wood, rotting flowers, and dust. The caskets are closed tightly, picture frames are set up on and around them with photographs of the girls. Ryou avoids looking at them as he and his father stand beside them. Guilt gnaws in the pit of his stomach. _Why did I live but they didn't? I didn't even cry._ He still can't cry. His eyes burn but no tears come. Family members he doesn't recognize line up to hug them and offer their condolences and apologies. _Apologies won't bring them back._

\---

Countless days spent alone. Pitying looks from his teachers. Classmates avoiding him like the plague. Ryou barely manages to keep his grades up. It's hard to focus, hard to study. He often finds himself staring into space blankly while clutching the ring hanging around his neck. It's cold is soothing. 

Ryou is in the middle of eating dinner, instant noodles when his father arrives home. He looks at the time and blinks in surprise. He's early. 

"Ryou?" 

"In the kitchen father!" He calls back immediately. If he's home early it must be important. 

"Good, you're still up." His father's heavy footsteps make a path to the kitchen. His father's face has new lines cut into it, dark shadows hang under his eyes, stubble runs across his chin and cheeks. "You need to start packing. We're moving to Japan next month." 

"Next month? It's... it's the middle of the school year..."

"You'll adjust, you're smart. I've made all of our arrangements. Our apartment is near my new job. You can walk to school. We'll be leaving by boat, pack light. You'll have to carry your suitcase."

_There's no use in arguing. It'll only spark his temper._ "Yes, father. I understand." Ryou looks down at his soggy noodles and touches the ring for support. 

\---

It was hard to leave a majority of his books behind but Ryou managed. The actual travel wasn't bad either. The ocean was pretty, especially with the sun glinting off of it. Once they've moved into their new apartment though nothing changes. 

He's alone. Always alone. Father is never home. His new school isn't awful but the teachers look at him mistrustfully. His classmates avoid him. Ryou has put countless hours into reading and writing the new language but his tongue is still clumsy at times. It's starting to get easier though the more he practices with real people.

In his free time, he's picked up crafts again. Tiny clay dolls painted with bright colors. Models of cities he's mapped out in his head. Little trees and buildings set on painted boards. It's satisfying to create something with his hands, to see it all piece together and become something beautiful. 

On the frequent nights when he can't sleep he writes letters to his mom and Amane in heaven, twirling his long hair between his fingers. It's starting to reach his shoulders now. He trims it himself in the bathroom mirror. Writing the letters eases his mind and gives him a sense of comfort. Ryou can imagine them reading it over his shoulders and laughing. The last thing he wants is for them to worry about him, no matter how hard it is some days. He still takes comfort in having the ring close to him too and hardly ever takes it off, even for bathing. 

\---

Ryou is curled up in bed with a high fever, tossing around from side to side in an attempt to get comfortable. His hair is matted to his head with sweat but his body is wracked with shivers under the thick comforter. His stomach twists with nausea and he swallows bile, it burns down his dry throat. "Urk..." He hasn't been this sick in a long time. He rolls onto a clean section of his pillow not yet soaked with sweat and closes his eyes. _I wish mom was here. She would make chicken soup and bring me medicine. Amane would sit and read with me too._

Cold fingers brush across his forehead, barely there. Ryou startles at the feeling, his eyes snapping open to look around. "Who..." A fuzzy figure hovers by his bedside. He can't make out their exact features but they look pale, their hair is white. "Mom?" Their palm covers his forehead, the cold soothing the heat from his fever. His vision blurs with unshed tears. "Mom... did you get my letters? I learned how to cook like you. I miss you and Amane a lot. It's lonely without you here."

The hand pulls away and Ryou whimpers. "No- Don't go yet, please don't go yet. I'm sorry, I'm sorry. I won't complain." He tries to focus on the figure but it's too hard. It's all a blur. The comforter is tugged up and tucked under his chin. The hand returns, resting carefully against his cheek. Ryou turns into the contact and clings to it. It doesn't feel completely solid, his fingers slip through it, but it's still there. Relief floods him. She didn't leave me. "Please stay... just until I sleep?" There's no verbal response but the bed dips as a weight sits on the edge of his bed. It's more than Ryou ever hoped to have again. "I love you, I love you..." 

\---

A shiver runs down the back of Ryou's neck as he breaks away from the memories. He sighs softly and rubs the back of his hand across his eyes. "I thought it was mom back then but... it was you, wasn't it Kura?" His fingers trace over the ragged edges of the memories, little pieces gather under his fingers, fitting into place as he remembers more moments. "Every time I thought it was them it was you. You sat by me when I was sick and let me hold your hand. You hovered over my shoulders when I wrote my letters. You sat against my back when I was lonely." Little moments piecing together, bridging the gaps between memories. "I don't understand how you could be kind to me like that and then do everything that happened after. I hope you'll explain it to me when you're back... or did you already?" His head throbs sharply, making him wince. "It's all a tangle still. I treasured those comforting moments but then... things started getting out of hand." 

The blackouts. The beginning of the spiraling mess his life has become. Ryou bites his lip and glances around for the next set of memories. _I was terrified that I was losing my mind. I didn't bring it up to father, I didn't even want to think about it._ "It was a new year. I finally felt comfortable in school, communicating wasn't as hard. I had just started to make friends and you... you ruined it." He sighs and stretches upward, catching the next pieces of memory to fit into place.

\---

Ryou is curled up in the back corner of the classroom with a large book spread across his lap. It's a detailed, illustrated guide to the popular board game Monster World. He doesn't have anyone to play with, but building game boards and characters has become an enjoyable pastime for him. 

"Hey, uh... Ryou right? What are you reading?" The voice is unfamiliar. "It looks cool." 

He peeks up to see several boys from his homeroom gathered around him. One is standing closer than the others, the one that spoke. "It's um it's about Monster World, the board game. It's a guide about how to be a dungeon master, building boards, characters, stuff like that." He carefully turns the book around so they can see the inside. 

"Oh wow it looks complicated. Have you played it before?" All the boys crowd closer, studying the images and long lines of text accompanying them. 

"Not yet. I don't... I don't have anyone to play with." Ryou fidgets shyly. "I thought the books looked interesting though so I picked them up." 

"Could we play with you?" One boy asks hopefully. Others chime in after happily. "Yeah, please? Can we Ryou? It'll be fun." 

Ryou grips the ring under his jacket with one hand and looks at them all in turn, overwhelmed and suspicious. No one had ever tried to approach him like this before. He studies each of their faces in turn and none of them look like they're making fun of him or trying to lead him on. It couldn't hurt to try... "Well... sure, why not? I'll give you guys character sheets to fill out while I think up a campaign." He pulls a couple out of the back of the book, passing them out. 

"How do we fill them out? Do we have to roll dice?" The boys chatter excitedly, reading through the papers. 

Being surrounded by friendly excited peers makes a small warm spot form behind his breastbone. Excitement. "I'll bring my dice tomorrow. For now, though we can decide on your character's name, race, age, class..." 

The memories fade and turn fuzzy, each one half blurred into the next. Time spent with the group of boys brainstorming, detailing their characters, rolling dice, talking, bonding. Ryou never imagined the small campaign he planned would take them so far, or have all of them clamoring for more adventures with their characters. He detailed each of their characters as little clay figurines and designed environment pieces to detail out their game board. They were all sucked into the game and as the campaign progressed so did their friendship. Much like how he never recognized the hole inside him until he had the ring he hadn't acknowledged his loneliness until he was surrounded by friends. He wished with all his heart that they'd never have to stop playing together and they'd always be friends. It was perfect until one of the boy's characters died in the campaign. 

"Ryou have you heard from Jason? He isn't responding to my messages." One of the boys leans against his desk before class, frowning. 

"I haven't heard from him yet today." Ryou shakes his head in response. "He's probably just overslept again. You know how he is."

"Maybe..." He sighs and shakes his head too. "Yeah, you're right. He'll show up soon. Are we still on for playing after school today? We're going to beat your boss this time around. Zorc won't stand a chance!" He raises a fist in determination, grinning. 

"Of course we are. I brought the game board and all your characters." Ryou can't help but smile in return. "I bet you can beat him if you all work together. It'll be fun."

"We'll meet you up on the roof like usual then!" He grins wider and darts over to his seat as the bell rings. 

\---

The rest of the memory from that afternoon is muddled. Throughout classes, a headache built behind his eyes. It became harder and harder to concentrate until finally, it felt like he was floating, words slipping past his ears unheard. He vaguely remembers the walk up to the roof, the strap of his bag biting into his shoulder until he sat down with his friends. Colors blend together as they set up the board, bleeding together until all that's left is black. All-consuming darkness encases him, blocking out all light and sound. He can't even feel his own body. He struggles against it trying to feel something- anything- trying to breathe- 

The darkness contracts once then sends him flying up into the light. Ryou comes back to awareness with a gasp. The sun is low along the horizon but even that little light is too much after the darkness he was just in. It stings his eyes and makes them water. There's a deep unfamiliar ache in the back of his mind too. He rubs the heel of his hands hard across his eyes, trying to focus and will away the pain. "What..." 

He looks around, trying to figure out what happened. The game board is still set up and all the little clay characters he made with care are knocked over. "What happened?..." His eyes stray from the board to his friends. Each and every one of them is knocked out, some slumped forward, others have landed on their sides. Panic blossoms in his stomach, his breath comes in shorter gasps. "Guys?" He crawls over to them and tries to shake them awake but to no avail. They're unresponsive. Terrified, heart in his throat, he runs to call for help. 

\---

His father is more annoyed than disappointed when he enters the principal's office with Ryou. Ryou knows he's irritated that he has to take the morning off from work to be here. He takes the seat offered to him and stares at the carpet between his feet, hoping for the best but fearing the worst.

"Thank you for taking time out of your day to be here. I'll be frank with you. We've decided to expel Ryou. He's been uncooperative with teachers and the police. He claims that he doesn't remember anything from that afternoon. All of the kids that were present with him have been admitted to the hospital and are unresponsive to treatment. No one has been able to determine the cause thus far." 

"I don't see why it was necessary for me to be here if you've already reached a decision. I'll have him transfer to a new school by next week, will that suffice?" 

The principal pauses for a moment, caught off guard before he coughs, and nods. "It will. I have some paperwork here for you to sign as well as a few schools near the area..."

Ryou tunes out their voices as they discuss what will be done with him. He wanted to help the police but he truly can't remember anything from the board game. The memories aren't there, only the darkness threatening to choke him. _Why am I the only one still awake?_ He doesn't know, but if he could trade places with his friends he would. 

His father's hand finally lands on his thin shoulder and squeezes, startling him from his roundabout thoughts. "Come. We're going home." 

"Yes, father." His voice is barely a whisper. 

\---

The physical world comes back into focus slowly as Ryou opens his eyes. There are no tears this time, only the ache of the raw wound in the core of his being, the twisting of his empty stomach, and guilt. _I never even went to visit them in the hospital. Did they ever wake up?_

_Yadonushi._ A brush of icy breath across the side of his neck, startling the world into sharp clarity. 

"Stop that." Ryou shies away from the feeling and scrubs his eyes with the heel of his hands again. "I know you want me to keep working but I need to eat, and sleep. Actual sleep. I'll keep working tomorrow, I promise."

_I'm not ready to see those memories again either. It's only going to get worse from here on._ Steeling himself he pushes himself upright and stumbles into the kitchen to make more instant ramen cups. The broth warms him from the inside out and he devours several, more than he's eaten in a long time. His ears are perked up, waiting, expecting to hear Bakura's voice again, berating or encouraging, but there's nothing but the sounds of his apartment. He's been left alone for now. Feeling warm, full, and almost content he crawls under his comforter and closes his eyes.


	2. Chapter 2

Darkness. 

Ryou turns in a slow circle but all he can see is black. His steps make no sound, swallowed by the void. He can't even see his own hand held mere inches away from his face. 

He despises the dark. 

_Am I alive?_

He starts to walk if only to feel something. The pull of muscle on bone, the soreness of his feet, and the burn of his lungs as he gasps for air. He isn't walking anymore, he's running, sprinting, desperately searching for even a speck of light in the void. 

Ryou trips over nothing and goes sprawling through the air, falling for what feels like hours until he finally hits rough stone. His entire body aches but he lifts his head to look around. It's dark but no longer is it oppressive and all-consuming. Moonlight filters through bars above his head spilling over his body. He pushes himself to his knees and there's the harsh sound of metal scraping on stone. It grates on his frayed nerves. He stares at his wrists, bound in thick metal shackles with an equally thick chain stretching out to attach to something behind him. The scene feels familiar, tugging on pieces of his fragmented memories. He's been here before. 

Experimentally he moves his hands, tugging on the chain. It doesn't budge, rattling against the stone. Trapped. Panic bubbles up inside him, barely contained. His jaw clenches as he bites back a scream. He tugs on the chain again and it goes taught but doesn't budge. 

The barely controlled wave of panic overwhelms him and he throws himself hard against his bonds over and over. Metal bites deeply into his pale wrists and he cries out, a raw echoing sound that bounces back in his face. Blood trickles down over his hands warm and wet as his wrists tear open.

"Let me out! Let me out _letmeoutletmeout-_ "

\---

Ryou's eyes snap open to the view of his apartment's ceiling, breath caught in his throat with fear, the sheets around him drenched in a cold sweat. 

Nightmare. Just a nightmare.

 _No, not only a nightmare. A memory fragment. Another piece I have to fit in the puzzle today._

All traces of warmth from the night before are gone, his body feels like ice. His stomach twists uncomfortably and growls. He should eat but he doesn't want to. 

"Bakura?" He calls out softly, hoping for a response, praying that yesterday wasn't just one long hallucination. 

_Yadonushi._ Ice-cold air drifting down the side of his face. 

Not a hallucination. Ryou closes his eyes as he's flooded with relief, he leans into the cold air. He can almost imagine it as fingers delicately tracing his features. _Bakura was never that gentle though. Was he?_ His head throbs sharply and he flinches.

"You want me to keep working." It isn't a question. He already knows the answer. "Can't I clean up first?" 

Ice again tracing the perimeter of his face. 

Ryou swallows his reluctance and nods. "Okay. I understand. I'll do it." _Anything to bring him back._ He takes deep even breaths and sinks into a trance once more. He slips past his soul room and steps into his memories. The puzzle of memory pieces he's managed to fit together lies at his feet. He picks it up gingerly turning it back and forth as he examines the fragmented edges. With each memory, he fits into place he draws closer to the ones he wanted to bury. 

_There is no other choice. I need him to live. The way I am now, it isn't living, it's a slow death sentence. I've felt more this past day than I have in... I don't even know how long it's been._ His hands move automatically grasping the small shattered pieces one by one to fit into their proper places. 

\---

Domino High is much like his old school. Ryou is indifferent to the students flitting around him as he looks for his classroom's door. 

A heavy hand settles on his left shoulder, halting his progress. "Bakura, correct? You just transferred."

"Yes sir." Ryou looks at the teacher hesitantly. The hand's grip is bordering on uncomfortably tight. "I was just looking for my homeroom..."

"In a moment. I want to make it clear to you Domino High is different. We won't be putting up with any of your nonsense. Your hair goes against our school dress code policy. You'll have to cut it to a more appropriate length and dye it to a natural color. Have it done by tomorrow."

"But..." His heart squeezes at the thought of cutting it, let alone dying it! "It's natural please-"

"Have it done by tomorrow." The teacher repeats while squeezing Ryou's shoulder. "Or there will be severe consequences."

"I... I understand..." _I'll take the detention, whatever it is. I can't cut it, I can't._

The pressure on his shoulder finally lets up and the teacher smiles. "I'm glad you understand." He turns on his heel and paces away, satisfied. 

Ryou sighs and twists a piece of hair around his finger, tugging on it gently. _I'll figure it out later._ _For now, I have to get to class._ Shifting his messenger bag higher on his shoulder he hurries to find his homeroom. He makes it just before the bell rings. This teacher is kind-faced and gestures for him to enter as she announces their class has a new transfer student. 

All eyes are on him as he steps in. Swallowing his nerves he puts on a smile. "Hello. My name is Ryou Bakura. I hope we can be friends." He bows politely and the teacher points him to an empty seat. He takes it and pulls out his notebook. _This school will be different._

Morning classes pass by without difficulty for him. A lot of the material is the same as his old school's. It's a relief. He should be able to keep up without any issues. He lets his mind drift instead of paying attention to the lecture. _What should I make for dinner? Those new recipes I found sounded good._ He only has to cook for one tonight. After signing and officiating all the paperwork for Ryou's transfer his father announced he was leaving on a business trip. He was unsure of how long it would take but it would be at least several months. He assured Ryou a deposit of money would be made available in his account each month for food and the rent has been covered. Ryou doesn't mind, it won't be much of a change. His father has rarely been home anyway.

The bell rings signaling recess and lunch. Ryou doesn't move from his seat. He pulls out a boxed lunch he packed this morning as well as one of his Monster World books. He's vowed not to play again but he still enjoys looking through and reading the books.

"Whoa. Is that a Monster World book?"

Startles by the voice Ryou looks up and meets a pair of startling violet eyes. "I ah... yes, it is. Have you played before?" 

"Not yet, but I've been looking into it." The boy smiles. "My name is Yugi. It's Ryou, right?" He holds out a hand.

Ryou is startled. It had taken months for the kids at his old school to approach him. "That's right. It's nice to meet you Yugi." He shakes hands with him, looking the strange boy up and down. His hair is crazy and his necklace is interesting looking. The etching on the front of the pyramid catches Ryou's eye. _It looks like the front of my ring._ He resists the urge to touch it where it's hidden under his shirt. 

"...Ryou? Are you alright?" Yugi's head is tilted to the side, he looks confused and concerned.

"Yes. Yes, I'm fine. I'm sorry Yugi what were you saying?" He straightens up, a dull throb has started in the back of his head. 

"I was wondering if you wanted to play Monster World with us sometime? My grandpa owns a game shop so we could get a couple of boards together. It'd be fun!" Yugi grins widely. "What do you think?"

Ryou's heart twists. _I can't. I can't put them in danger._ "No thank you, Yugi. I don't think that would be a good idea." He stands up and shoves his book back into his bag. "I decided to stop playing a while ago. I'm sorry. I'll see you around." He brushes past the boy quickly and dumps his lunch in the trash on the way out. _It's safer this way I don't want to hurt anyone._

The rest of the day passes by in a blur. The throbbing in his head doesn't relent, instead, it builds. By the end of the day, his whole head is throbbing in time with his heart and his head feels as though it's been stuffed with cotton. Words slide past his ears without registering, faces blur past his eyes. It's a relief when he makes it back to the apartment in one piece and locks the door behind him. His appetite has disappeared. Instead of cooking, he stumbles over to his desk to write a new letter to his mom and little sister. He pulls out a nice, fresh sheet of paper and a fountain pen. Ink runs across the page as he describes his first day at a new school to them. His headache persists though and finally, he sets the pen down, dropping his head into his hands instead. 

"Go away.... please go away..." He rubs small circles into his temples, trying to will the feeling away. "Why now? Please..." A knock comes on his door, startling him upright. He starts to stand but before he can an icy hand firmly grasps the back of his neck. It feels colder than ice. Ryou gasps, attempts to turn, but before he can he's falling again, deep into the smothering darkness. 

Black is all he can see again. He can't see, hear, or feel anything for what feels like an eternity. At last, a small speck of white appears above him, chasing away the dark. He stares at it as it comes closer and he can see it's a figurine, the white wizard doll he made to accompany his old friends on their journey. The doll holds out a hand and he reaches for it, clasping it firmly. The doll's expression brightens as it smiles, pulling him up and out. 

He gasps when his vision clears. He's not in his body but behind it, and whoever is controlling it is playing Monster World. The atmosphere is heavy and oppressive, it's hard for Ryou to breathe. Yugi is sat opposite him but he looks different. He's sitting up straight with his arms crossed, his eyes are sharper, and he looks more confident. Ryou leans over his body's shoulder to look at the board, then at the computer screen that helps calculate everything. His eyes go wide when he sees the numbers. 

"No!" He tackles the back of his body and fights for some bit of control. His left-hand twitches then moves. It's only one hand but it's all he needs, it's the one resting on the computer. Slowly, steadily, he types into the computer, tilting the percentages into Yugi's favor instead. _I won't let my friends be hurt again. I can do this._

Anxiety thrums through him as he watches the battle progress turn by turn. Yugi keeps that cool confident look and finally, miraculously, he's one turn away from winning. Ryou smiles gently at him, relieved and unafraid of the punishment awaiting him and the one sharing his body. His friends are safe. That's enough. Yugi hesitates only a moment longer before pointing at the board and declaring his attack. They lose. 

Darkness again. Choking him. Chaining him. It isn't as long this time though. Slowly, white light curls around his body, breaking the chains. The darkness pulls away and releases him, he can feel his body again, his eyelids are heavy but he manages to open them. He's lying on his back and everyone is hovering around him. Yugi, Joey, Honda, Tea. They all look concerned. His head throbs dully but it's not as bad as before.

"Hey, welcome back to the living bud."

"You seriously gave us a scare Ryou!" 

"Are you alright? Give him some space to breathe guys." 

"I'm sorry we had to beat you." 

Overwhelmed and touched by their concern he tries to answer all of their questions. He's not sure he can sit upright on his own but he tries to, Honda gives him a hand up and Tea fetches him some water. Warmth kindles in his chest and he smiles. _This is what it's like to have friends._

"Should we get rid of it?" Joey pipes up, gesturing at the ring. 

"I.." His hands clasp it automatically. The ring is cool and comforting against his skin, familiar. Even if it housed an evil spirit he can't bring himself to throw it away carelessly. "The spirit is gone, right? I can't- I don't want to get rid of it. It's important to me." 

"I think it's okay Ryou!" Yugi pipes up. "Other me says the dark spirit was sent to the shadow realm. The only reason you were able to come back is because of your little white wizard character. It should be safe now." 

Relief floods through him. "Thank you, Yugi, for everything."

\---

"How naive," Ryou murmurs as he surfaces from the memory. "We all were. You weren't gone, you were hiding, gathering your strength back." He lifts his gaze to all the memories whirling around him. The first memories aren't difficult to locate, the happier ones of his time with the gang. "I was happy for a little while though after that. I had Yugi and everyone in the group supporting me. They were real friends." His fingers find the right fragments, snatching them out of the air and pushing them into place one by one.

"But then I started to lose time again. Little by little, I hardly noticed it... until it was too late to do anything about it." These memories are more difficult to grasp, the edges are slippery between his fingers, but he coaxes them down into the puzzle, fixing them into place.

\---

The weeks following the board game were some of the happiest he had in Japan. He spent lunch and free time with the gang. It felt like he was part of the group. Joey and Honda made stupid jokes and teased him. Tea rolled her eyes, muttering something about boys under her breath. Yugi laughed through it all then leaned over to teach Ryou how to play duel monsters on the side. Occasionally he would lose track of the conversation going on around him. Sometimes a member of the group would be talking to him and it would take him a moment to realize he had no idea what was last said. He didn't think much of it though, attributing it to getting lost in thought or daydreams.

In the meantime, the teacher that caught him the first day continued to remind Ryou to cut and dye his hair to regulations. Ryou stuck with his gut decision, unable to bring himself to do it. He loves his long hair and the connection it gives him to his mom and little sister. Finally, his defiance landed him in detention.

"I still say it's a load of bull." Joey rolls his eyes. "You should just skip it. Yugi's gramps promised to teach us some new deck building tips today anyway."

"Do you want him to land in more trouble Joey?" Tea scoffs and crosses her arms. "Ignore him Ryou he barely has two brain cells to rub together. We'll see you next week." 

"Thanks, Tea." Ryou smiles sweetly at her. "I'll be alright Joey. He'll probably just have me write lines or something else boring. See you guys next week!" he lifts a hand in farewell and darts down the hall. 

_It's nice to have friends like them._ The smile lingers on his lips as he walks into detention. The teacher is already there, sat behind the desk at the head of the room. 

"Mr. Bakura, at last, take a seat. You're going to be writing an essay about..."

Ryou takes a seat in the front row and dutifully pulls out a notebook to jot down the prompt. _An essay about following school rules and regulations? Boring but easy. It could be worse._ For a while, the only sound is his pen scratching across the paper, soothing and familiar. It reminds him of when he writes letters to his mom and sister. _I haven't written one in a while, I should do one this weekend._

The squeak of a chair scraping against the tiled floor makes him jump. He looks at the teacher questioningly and receives a frown in response. "Keep working. It needs to be at least three pages." 

Confused but not wanting to give the teacher an excuse to give him more detention Ryou turns his attention back to his paper. He skims his past couple of lines and starts to write again. The teacher's shoes click sharply on the floor as he paces, rotating around the desks to stand behind Ryou. His hand pauses in writing again and his field of vision starts to narrow. The world feels not quite real, his head is floating. He digs the nails of his free hand into the wood of the desk, searching for something solid to ground him. 

"I warned you there would be severe consequences if you didn't follow the rules. Domino High is different. We run a fine school here. Your disruptions are intolerable." 

A large hand lands on Ryou's shoulder, he tenses, his eyes go wide, and he knows no more. Darkness swallows him whole but it isn't as long as the previous times. It doesn't feel as suffocating. He turns in a circle, looking for any break in the dark. There is none. Before he can make a plan to get out on his own the darkness contracts, sending him flying upward into the waking world. When he opens his eyes in reality he shivers. It's night time and he's standing outside of the school, bag on his shoulder, jacket unbuttoned. Panic closes his throat and he forgets to breathe as he realizes what happened. He grasps the ring with both hands, the touch of ice-cold metal giving him enough clarity to gasp. _In and out. In and out. Deep breaths._ Bit by bit, piece by piece, he compartmentalizes the panic so he can think. 

_What happened? What did I do?_ He combs through his memories of the past few hours but there's nothing but the darkness. Blank space. He looks down at the ring clenched tightly between his fingers. "You did something to him didn't you?" His grip tightens, the grooves of the metal bite into his palms. "What did you do?" No answer. Only the feeling of metal against his skin and barely contained panic bubbling under the surface. Frazzled, terrified, unable to bring himself to go back to the classroom, he races home.

The door to his apartment bangs against the wall as he shoves inside. He slams it behind him and locks it. His bag falls off his shoulder and hits the floor with a soft thump. The dam holding back his panic breaks and he rips the ring over his head, the cord catches on his hair but he doesn't care, he tugs it free and tosses it aside. It's the first time he's taken it off in years. It hits the wall then the floor in a loud shower of metal. He barely has time to register the noise before the world tilts sharply and blurs. Then the pain hits him. He doubles over, clutching his chest and struggling to breathe. Something is missing something vital is gone and it hurts. It hurts like a fresh wound open and bleeding cold through his body threatening to consume him until there's nothing-

Ryou falls to his knees and his fingers lock around the ring. He cradles it close to his clothed chest. It feels like ice, as always, it soothes the wound inside him, smoothing it away, easing the pain. Slowly but surely the pain eases away completely along with his anxiety. He feels normal again. Whole. The world comes back into sharp focus. He can breathe. 

Gingerly he slips the ring's cord back over his head. He carefully tucks it into his shirt so he can feel it against his chest. It doesn't warm to his body heat, instead staying the same icy temperature. "I don't understand." His voice is barely a whisper. It's all he can manage right now. He wraps his arms around his skinny torso, pressing the ring firmly into his bare skin. "What was that? What are you? Who are you?" 

No answer. 

"Please? Please, won't you talk to me?" He buries his face in his knees, feeling crazier by the second. "I'm scared- I want to understand. I don't even know your name. Do you have a name?"

Silence.

Disappointed, hurt, scared, Ryou slowly picks himself up off the floor to write a letter to his mother and sister. It's the best way for him to attempt to put a semblance of order to his thoughts and feelings.

\---

Ryou spends his weekend indoors watching the news and barely eating. He manages to get his homework done, barely, it's too hard to concentrate on it for long periods of time. The thought still plaguing him, the one that won't leave is: _What happened to the teacher?_ Close behind that main thought is all of the questions he has about the ring and the spirit inside of it. He tried to research the origins of it along with the dig site his father found it at but found little to nothing useful. He could try the resources at the museum, some of the workers know him through his father, but he's reluctant to leave without his first question being answered. _What if the spirit killed him? They'll be looking for me. It's my body, my face he used._

At last, Sunday afternoon, the news breaks. The piece of toast Ryou had been nibbling on falls from his hand. 

"Local teacher found catatonic by the cleaning staff."

Ryou gropes for the remote, cranking up the volume to hear the full story. 

"Local teacher was found unresponsive this afternoon by a school janitor. He was admitted to the hospital and placed under observation, he passed soon after. Police suspect suicide as the cause of death but are currently investigating the school for more information..."

Ryou's vision darkens and narrows. His stomach twists painfully. No time to make it to the bathroom he darts to the kitchen sink, heaving. Death. Death. Death. His head pounds rhythmically with the thought and he heaves again, throwing up bile and what little food he had in his stomach.

"What did you do? What did you do to him?" One hand finds the edge of the ring, clutching it tightly. "Why did you do that to him? Why?"

Silence. 

"What am I going to do?" His stomach twists again. His knees begin to shake. "I was the last one in the room with him. They're going to interview me. I can't tell them the truth, they wouldn't believe it anyway." His legs give out and he sinks to the floor, staring at his hands. They're trembling.

_It's my fault. I decided to keep the ring._

_His blood is on my hands._

\---

Monday comes too soon. His phone has been blowing up with concerned text messages from the group but he hasn't found the words or the confidence to respond to them with. He's decided he can't avoid school. It will only make him look more guilty and he can't avoid this. It's his fault. He should help the police as much as he can. 

The air is heavy and charged inside of the school. His friends crowd around him with concern when he walks into his homeroom. They all speak almost at once. 

"Ryou you alright bud? Did you hear about that creep teacher?" 

"It's the one you had detention with. None of the teachers are telling us anything but the police are here. They keep pulling students out at random for interviews."

"You look pale. Did you forget to eat this morning? Or was it..." 

"Give him a minute to breathe guys. He looks like he's going to pass out." 

Ryou swallows around the lump in his throat with difficulty. "I'm... I'm just feeling a bit under the weather. It was cold this weekend and I didn't want to turn the heat on yet. What happened to the teacher?" 

"One of the janitors found him unresponsive in his homeroom. Was he acting weird during your detention? None of the students that come back from the interviews will say anything. We're totally in the dark." Joey shakes his head. "Something's going down and it stinks."

"Ryou you should sit down. You don't look well." Tea's hand squeezes his upper arm reassuringly. "Stop badgering him guys. He doesn't have to talk about it." 

The world is starting to spin around him. His thoughts tangle. "I... maybe I should I... I'm..." 

"Ryou Bakura?" Their homeroom teacher calls him from the doorway. "Come with me, the police would like to interview you." 

The world blurs and for a moment he's sure he's going to pass out. He wraps his arms around himself, pressing the ring against his stomach, and breathes in deeply. "I'll see you guys later." He reluctantly pulls away from their comforting presence and follows their homeroom teacher through empty halls.

The police are set up in one of the empty classrooms, papers spread out in front of them. There are two of them talking quietly amongst each other. They stop when Ryou pauses in the doorway. "Don't worry you aren't in any trouble." One starts gently. "We just have a couple of questions to ask you. Come take a seat. Do you want something to drink?" 

"No thank you." He responds softly and walks to the open seat across from them. He sits down, resisting the urge to clutch the ring for comfort. _It got me into this mess and I still can't throw it away._ "What did you want to ask me? I'll help however I can."

The other officer speaks up. His voice is cool and detached. "Let's start with what happened on Saturday night. You were here at the school after hours?" 

"Y-Yes. I had detention with a teacher." Deep even breaths. Answer them clearly. 

"What happened during it?" 

"He had me write an essay for it. I didn't cut or dye my hair to regulation as he asked." He twists a lock around one finger. "It's... it's important to me. I wanted to keep it like this." 

"Did anything unusual happen?" 

"No..." His voice trails off and his gaze drops to his lap. He twists his hands together, clenching his fingers. I have to tell them everything. "Except... He came up behind me in the middle of it and put his hand on my shoulder." 

"What happened after that?" The officer's voice softens at the statement, becoming more encouraging.

"I don't remember... I don't..." Tears well up in his vision, threatening to spill down his cheeks. "I'm sorry. I don't remember." 

"You have nothing to be sorry for. It wasn't your fault." The other officer pushes a box of tissues across the table. "You were a victim." 

_Victim?_ The word makes him pause. Hesitantly he grabs a tissue to rub over his eyes. "I don't understand..." 

"You weren't the only one to suffer by his hand. Looking through his belongings we came across a log of students that have been abused by him here. There was no suicide note but we suspect his conscience caught up with his actions. We're following up to try and get all of his victims proper counseling." 

_Abuse. Victims. Suicide._ The words spin around in his mind as the officers continue to talk, their words falling on deaf ears. _They're not going to arrest me... he was an abuser? Then isn't it good that he's- no even then he should have been brought to justice. His victims should have had the chance to confront him._ He crosses his arms, pressing the ring firmly into his chest. _Were you.... were you protecting me? But you hurt my friends before, you tried to hurt Yugi and everyone. I don't understand. I don't understand anything..._

"Mr. Bakura?" 

His head snaps up back to attention at his name. "Yes? I'm sorry I was lost in thought..." 

"It's alright. We understand this is difficult to talk about. Thank you for coming here today. You're free to go back to class or leave for the day." 

"I... Y-yes, thank you." He stands on unsteady feet. "I'm sorry I couldn't be more help." He hesitates outside the door. He should go back to class and let the group know what happened but he wants nothing more than to go home, hide under his blanket, and try to make sense of it all. Ryou hesitates, looking at the door leading outside, but finally turns to walk back to class. His homeroom teacher walks him back to the class and calls for the next student. 

Ryou takes a seat in the center of the group and lets them all crowd around him. He quietly tells them what happened to the teacher. Honda has to hold Joey back from shouting aloud. Tea lays a comforting hand on his arm. Once Joey calms down he throws an arm around Ryou's shoulders, rage whispering about how messed up it all is. Yugi leans closer to him, pressing their shoulders together. Ryou soaks up the comfort of their presence even as he feels guilt for not telling them about the spirit in the ring. 

It takes weeks for Ryou to compartmentalize and put the whole incident from his mind. He pays more attention to his mind and journals every time he notices he's missing time. He hasn't had a major blackout since that night in the school though. Ryou finally decided to visit the museum for information but hit an immediate dead end. No one can view the research and documentation of digs without the chief researcher’s permission. In this case, his father’s and he absolutely doesn't want to bother him or kick up a fuss. Now he frequently finds himself touching the ring, asking it questions softly, and speaking to it. He's unsure if the spirit can hear him or not but so far he hasn't had any response back. It's unsettling, knowing that something is living in an object he keeps so close to him. Despite all of that though, he cannot bring himself to get rid of the ring or even try to remove it again.

It's nearly time for a vacation from school now. Ryou is on his way home from the store when the next blackout happens. His arms are weighed down with bags upon bags from grocery shopping, he can barely see over them. _Maybe I went a little overboard but there are so many recipes I want to try and I can always freeze the leftovers, or share them with everyone..._

He passes by an alleyway and several people start trailing behind him as he walks onward, unaware. _Which recipe should I try today? Maybe the curry and rice..._ A hand lands firmly on his shoulder, making him jump. "A-ah! Can I..." Before he can turn around to address them the world goes black. 

It's the same as before. Darkness pressing in from all sides but not threatening to choke him. It's almost starting to feel familiar. Ryou shakes his head and turns in a slow circle, projecting his voice and thoughts upward. "What are you doing this time?"

Silence.

"You have to respond to me sometime! I know you can talk- you talked to Yugi and the others during Monster World! Why won't you talk to me?" 

Silence. 

Frustration. The darkness tightens down on him until it's hard to breathe. Ryou grits his teeth against the feeling, determined. _There has to be something more here than darkness. I swear I'll find it._ Before he can walk far the darkness throws him sharply upwards. 

He winces as sunlight shines in his eyes. He's standing outside his apartment door with all of his grocery bags in hand. "What... why did you take over? What happened?" He glances down at the ring. 

Silence. 

"One of these days you are going to respond to me." Ryou shakes his head and walks inside to put all the groceries away. He decides to make the curry recipe tonight and talks to the ring all the while. 

"I don't understand how the switch works. You can take the lead so easily but I have no idea what happens when you're out. Why am I always in the dark? I can't take back control either it's been you letting me or you pushing me back into control every time... except during Monster world. I don't know how I did it but I kinda became a spirit. I was hanging around behind you. Can you do that too? Is that how you know what's going on around us? Did you see me as a spirit? Can I see you too?" On and on different questions about the spirit, their connection, the spirit's motivations, origins, and above all asking his name. When he finally stops to catch his breath he's sitting cross-legged on his couch, a bowl of curry and rice in front of him, and the ring cradles between his hands. 

"Why won't you talk to me?... Yugi said his spirit talks to him all the time." Ryou sighs softly. "Do you hate me? But you protected me... I just want to understand you better." 

"Yadonushi, shut up." The voice is rough, sharp, slightly deeper than his own. It comes from directly behind him. "I'm tired of your stupid questions." 

His heart skips a beat at the voice. The first time he's heard it. "Landlord?... Why are you calling me that?" He can bring himself to turn around and see what the spirit looks like, not yet. 

"Because your body belongs to me. It's compatible with my spirit, my powers." The spirit leans closer as he speaks, radiating cold. His icy breath drifts along the back of Ryou's neck making him shiver. 

It's not only the cold though. It's the feeling of a large predator staring him down like he's naught but prey. He's frozen in place. "But.." He swallows his unease enough to speak. "I don't want to hurt anyone. You're using my body to hurt people." 

"I don't care what you want. Your body is mine I'll use it as I see fit. Including protecting it from harm. It would be irritating to try and find another host." His voice turns mocking. "Did you think I cared?" 

The spirit's words are like a knife twisting between his ribs. "Do you... do you have a name?" He grips the ring tightly, the grooves biting into his skin, but it no longer feels like a comfort. 

"I have no need for a name." The spirit snorts. "Stop pestering me with your questions Yadonushi. They're irritating." The spirit leans closer and his voice turns as cold as his breath. "Shut up and leave me alone before you make me angry."

"I'm just trying to understand..." Ryou finally finds the courage to turn around and is greeted by nothing but the sight of his empty apartment. He lets go of the ring and it falls softly against his chest. Even through his shirt, he can feel it radiating cold. "He's gone already... he didn't answer any of my questions. He's intimidating too." He shudders as he remembers the feeling of eyes boring into his back. "I have no control either. He can do whatever he wants to using my body." His eyes drift back to the table where his food is sitting. His appetite has disappeared.

Their first conversation and already it feels like a disaster. One sentence the spirit said sticks out to Ryou though and it plays on a loop through his mind. _I have no need for a name._ "He said he doesn't need it, not that he doesn't want one. Maybe I can give him one he likes..."

\---

Ryou gasps as he returns to reality, his entire body trembling. The spot where the ring used to lay against his chest burns from cold. He misses the weight of the ring against him. It was lost in Egypt after the final battle. Ryou mourned its loss along with the loss of Bakura. "That first time you spoke to me I was terrified. You were sharp and scary. Having you behind my back was nervewracking, I thought you were going to attack me any moment." 

_Yadonushi._ Ice once more gently brushing over his cheekbones. 

"I wish you could say more than that nickname." Tears burn in his eyes, unshed. "I need you here Kura. It's too hard. It's too much." A touch of ice once more, carefully cupping his cheek. Ryou closes his eyes and leans into it, imagining Bakura's hand holding his chin. It's comforting. It's enough, for now. It gives him the strength to sit up. "I'll... I'll keep working. After I take a bath." 

Silence. The feeling drifts away from his cheek. 

Sighing softly in disappointment Ryou drags himself out of bed. His trembling legs barely support him the distance to the bathroom. Desperate for some semblance of warmth he turns the water all the way to hot and stumbles into the tub with his clothes on. It's a shock to his system, he bites back a sob as the heat chips away at the ice filling him. It stings, it's painful, but it's also a temporary relief.


	3. Chapter 3

Freshly cleaned up with warm broth in his belly Ryou takes a seat on the couch. It feels right, this is where the last memory ended. His chest is still sore from it even after the warmth of the bath. He pulls a couple of blankets around his shoulders and presses his palms flat against his chest. _It's only going to get worse but I have to keep going. I need Bakura._ Ryou forces himself to take deep even breaths even as his heart flutters under his palms. Slowly he sinks back down into his memory space. 

"Next it was... Duelist Kingdom. You wanted something from there... what was it again? It's still blurry to me. I don't think you cared much for the tournament though, it was something else..." As he muses aloud the memories drift closer. His hands reach out automatically, plucking them from the air and slipping them into place. The edges of these are hard to grasp as well but he manages, weaving them together into the whole. He takes one last deep breath, bracing himself for the memory sequence. 

\--- 

In the weeks leading up to the tournament, Ryou slowly withdrew from Yugi and the others. He turned down offers to spend time outside of school together and gradually drifted away from them inside of school too. _It doesn't feel right to be around them anymore now that I know he's back. What if he tries to hurt them again? It would be my fault for getting close to everyone. I can't do that to them, they've all been so supportive and nice to me._

The blackouts have become more frequent as well and have started to last for longer periods of time. Ryou doesn't dare to argue or question the spirit while he's sitting in the dark anymore though. The memory of his sharp voice, the feeling of eyes boring into Ryou's back, is more than enough to discourage him. Instead, he spends the time trying to think of a name for the spirit inhabiting the ring. Everything he's thought of so far doesn't seem to fit.

At last, the weekend of the Duelist Kingdom tournament arrives. _The yacht is supposed to be leaving tonight... Yugi said he was going. I hope he'll be alright._ Ryou is curled up under a blanket on his couch, slowly sipping a cup of hot tea. He hasn't been feeling well recently. He sighs softly and reaches for his cup of tea. Before he can grasp it he's falling and once more he finds himself in the darkness. It's more oppressive than usual. It's difficult to breathe. 

"Now what? What prompted him to take over?" Ryou turns in a slow circle, confused. "Hopefully it won't be as long as the last time. It felt like forever." Last time the spirit took over for an entire day. Ryou tried to be patient but it felt like he was being suffocated. Finally, he started running and shouting, begging to be let out, but it didn't matter. The spirit didn't let him out until he was ready, and he didn't find anything but more darkness all around him. It's impossible for him to surface on his own, the spirit has to let him out. "What are you doing out there now I wonder..." He sits down and hugs his knees, sighing. "I hope you let me out soon."

As always it's impossible to know how much time passes by because nothing changes. It could be as short as a few hours or as long as a day, Ryou isn't sure. It feels like forever either way. He avoids staring into the darkness, focusing on his own body instead, his heartbeat, his breathing. It reminds him he's alive. He learned the hard way allowing his focus to wander too far leads to seeing things crawl towards him in the dark, taunting him. He stares at his hands and runs through the names he's thought of for the spirit, trying to decide on one.

He speaks softly aloud to himself, his voice another small comfort amongst the silent darkness. "He seems to like the dark a lot. Maybe I'll call him Kuro? It's simple but I don't think he'd like it much. I wish I knew what he looked like... maybe that would make it easier to decide. Does he look like me? Yugi's other self looks like him. If he does then I could call him...." 

At last, the darkness around him begins to shift. It starts to clear away above him. It feels lighter, it's easier for Ryou to breathe. He stands up slowly, his legs cramped from sitting in the same position for so long. "Are you finally letting me out? How long has it been this time?..." He reaches up towards the part in the darkness, pressing against it.

There's a short flash and the darkness lifts completely. He isn't in his body though, instead, he's a transparent spirit once more. He's floating weightlessly behind the spirit as he controls Ryou's body. His head is spinning from the transition but he tries to focus on the scene. The spirit is sat at a table with cards in his hands, there's someone in a red suit sitting across from them...

As if sensing his presence the spirit's eyes zero in on him, flicking away from the game board in front of him. His face twists into a silent snarl and his thoughts bear down hard on Ryou. _What are you doing out Yadonushi?_

"I-I'm sorry- I thought you were letting me out- back in control-" His tongue twists on the words. He's never seen that expression on his face before. A soundless snarl on his lips. Sharpened teeth. Burning eyes.

 _Go away, this doesn't concern you!_ The spirit's voice is sharp enough to cut. Ryou shrinks back from him, terrified, tears well in his eyes, and something cold locks around his wrist, yanking him back into the dark.

He lands on his back against hard stone. The impact knocks all the air from his lungs in a short breathless sob. It smells like rot and mold. His entire body aches. It's not oppressively dark anymore. There's some sort of low light filtering around him. "Where... what..."

This isn't the place he's used to being held. It's somewhere new. Gingerly he peels himself off the floor into a sitting position to look around. As soon as he moves his hands there's the uncomfortable sound of metal grating on metal, it makes him pause. Slowly he lifts one hand up to examine his wrist. Locked around it is a thick, dark, metal shackle with a large keyhole. Dangling from it is a short thick woven chain that anchors to the wall. 

Ryou's eyes go wide and he inhales sharply. "No... no- please-" He jumps to his feet and yanks on the chain. The shackles bite into his wrists, the chain isn't budging. "Spirit please I'm sorry! I'm sorry please let me out please!" This is a hundred times worse than being left alone in the darkness. The darkness was difficult but he knew how to cope with it, to make it easier. Here there are true chains holding him down. A prison. Helplessness. The spirit can keep him here for as long as he wants. Hysterical, he jumps to his feet and struggles futilely against the shackles, yanking on them, trying to pull his hands out of them. He claws at the metal, breaking his nails, tearing open his wrists. "Let me out, please let me out! I'll behave, I swear! Let me out!" But no matter how loud he calls there comes no answer until finally, he finds himself on the floor of the cell, wrists torn, blood running down his hands.

He stares at his hands and swallows his sobs, compartmentalizing his panic. Carefully he tucks it all away until he's taking calm even breaths. "This is somewhere new. I must be here instead of the dark for a reason. Maybe this place is significant to him? Or he can hold me back easier here..." His wrists throb dully but slowly he forces himself to move. One by one he gets his feet underneath him and he stands upright to get a better look at the cell. It's definitely a prison. The air is damp and cold. It's roughly rectangular in shape and it isn't very large. The walls and floor are rough sandstone. The main exit is blocked off by iron bars and outside of it is absolute darkness, he can't see anything in the hall. Above his head is a tiny window cut into the top of the cell allowing moonlight and fresh air inside. There are bars on it too spaced evenly to allow air and light inside but not enough space to pass anything through them. The only piece of furniture, if it can even be called that, is a rough wooden bench anchored on the wall at waist height.

"I don't understand..." Ryou looks around the tiny cell with a frown. "Am I here because I irritated him? Where is this place? Is it based on somewhere real?" His eyes lock onto the window. "If I could see out of that then maybe..." He bits his lip in thought, then carefully tests the bench with his foot. It creaks ominously but it seems like it will hold his weight. He steps onto it and grasps onto the window, the shackles bite into his skin as he strains against the chains to peer outside. Desert, rolling sands, the faint impression of buildings in the distance.

"Egypt?" Ryou wonders as he studies the landscape. He looks out for as long as he can stand the pain in his wrists, breathing in the fresh night air. At last, though he sits down, pulls his knees up to his chest, and hugs them for warmth. The cold iron of the shackles saps away his little remaining body heat. "Father said he found the ring on a dig... did he ever say it was Egypt? It must have been." It's not much to go on but it's more than he had. "It's a start. Maybe there's a mention of it somewhere other than father's documents, a history book, or some other documentation..." Thoughts of how to find out more about the spirit occupy him through the rest of his captivity. It's just as impossible to tell time here than it was in the darkness. No matter how long passes the moonlight filtering through the window doesn't change. It feels like an eternity and finally, he allows himself to doze, drifting in and out of sleep.

The shackles unlock with an audible click, stirring him from his sleep. There's no one in the cell with him. Ryou opens his eyes wearily and touches his raw wrists. They throb dully under his hands but the visible wounds are gone as well as the blood. "Spirit?" There's no verbal response but he begins to drift upwards. He nearly sobs in relief, knowing, at last, he's being allowed control of his body again. "I thought about it a lot and... well I think I've decided on a name for you..." There's a short flash as he reaches out and touches the ceiling. 

\---

Ryou stumbles as he settles back into control of their body. He's standing in his apartment's bathroom, shivering with lingering cold from the prison cell. He examines his wrists first, they're unmarked, then turns to study his reflection in the mirror. His normal reflection greets him though he still feels unsettled inside. In fact, he looks better than before. The spirit took good care of his body while he was in control. "Thank you... Bakura." He speaks softly to the ring, not wanting to upset the spirit. "That's the name I decided on for you. I thought that I could call you Kura for short since you call me Yadonushi." Ryou pauses to see if he'll respond, but there's only silence. "I um I hope it's alright with you if I call you that. It's better than calling you spirit. Do you uh... do you know how long I was out for this time?" He isn't expecting an answer and after a few minutes of nothing, he sighs and lets the subject drop. He leans down to start the hot water in the tub, he thinks he's earned a long soak. 

_Five days._ The voice isn't cutting this time. Instead, it sounds caught off guard. 

Warmth floods through him at the sound of it in the back of his head. It wars against the despair of being locked away for so long. _He talked to me. He really talked to me! I wonder if he likes the name I chose._ "Thank you, Kura." He wants to ask more but he doesn't want to push his luck. If he annoys Bakura they could end up right back at square one. _One step at a time. I hope we can reach an agreement._ In better spirits, Ryou strips and sinks into the hot water, humming happily.

\---

"I thought we could get along," Ryou murmurs into his blanket. "I think you were just caught off guard, that's why you talked to me. You had no intention of compromising with me. Not then." Thankfully his body isn't trembling this time. Instead, the warmth of the memory stayed with him. "You only needed my body. You didn't need me, not the way I needed you." His head is pounding rhythmically again, he closes his eyes against the feeling, sinking back into the mess of his memories. 

The pieces are moving in a more agitated pattern, swirling and flickering past him. The shining puzzle he's been piecing together lays at his feet and it's glowing brighter now, beginning to take on a sort of shape. Ryou picks it up and runs his fingers along the smooth completed parts, wondering what it will be in the end. It's still unclear. 

"Now..." He turns his attention to the flickering memory fragments. "Not long after that, you made it clear what you thought of me trying to befriend you." The memories he's searching for are jagged with sharp edges. These are painful memories. As he reaches for them he feels sick, his hands begin to tremble. When his fingers brush the correct fragments they prick his fingers, his stomach turns. It takes him several tries but he grasps them between his fingers. He tries to fit them into the whole but they jerk away from him, trying to fly away again into the void. Before they can a cool hand covers his and guides his fingers to close around the sharp fragments. They slice into his skin as they squirm. "Bakura this... these... I don't want to relive these. Please. Please don't make me." His voice cracks on the words.

 _Yadonushi..._ The voice's tone is gentler this time. The impression of arms wrapping around his waist. Supportive. 

Ryou wants to cry. He wants to refuse and retreat and let the void consume him. "This will bring you back? You promise?" 

A gentle brush of cool air across his cheek. A kiss. 

Ryou bites his lip sharply, tears well in his eyes. "I understand. Every memory back in its place, even the painful ones. I can't miss any." He weaves the fragments into place one by one, building around them to keep them in place. "Stay close to me Bakura, please. Please don't leave me." Tears spill down his cheeks as the memories consume him.

\---

Ryou pauses in the doorway to homeroom, looking over Yugi, Joey, Honda, and Tea. _I wish I could join them, I miss spending time with them all._ He's been avoiding them outright ever since Duelist Kingdom. He doesn't have the slightest idea of how to bring up the spirit inside the ring or anything else that's been happening to him. He studies their faces one by one. The serious expressions they had before the tournament are gone, replaced with laughter and smiles. It's a relief. Even Yugi was starting to look scary with how tense and focused he was.

"You don't need them Yadonushi. They don't care about you." Bakura's voice comes from directly behind him, the same deep, rough drawl. His own voice twisted. 

"They've always been kind to me though. Especially after you challenged them to Monster World." Ryou states softly. He steps back from the doorway to face the spirit. Seeing Bakura's form is not as much of a shock now. The first time he was struck by how similar they looked. They could be twins if not for Bakura's eyes and expressions.

"Kindness is a form of weakness." Bakura laughs. It isn't a joyful sound, it's mocking. 

"That's what you say. I still disagree." Ryou ducks his head and walks back the way he came. _I'll skip class today after all._ Bakura drifts along behind him, yawning. The spirit still doesn't show up often. On occasion, he comes out if something interests him, or if Ryou pesters him enough. 

He thought it would be easier once he convinced Bakura to talk to him. It took forever to get the spirit to say more than one or two irritated words. Ryou was thrilled the first time the spirit answered to 'Kura, it filled him with a warmth from the inside out. Once they got past that hurdle Ryou tentatively started to push the new boundary. It soon became clear how much further they still had to go. Bakura outright ignores questions of his origin, intention, and what he does when out. He does show some interest in the world around them though. Ryou has been trying to build on that. It's been slow but he hopes they can reach a better understanding. _I want to know more about him. I want to get along with him._

"Ryou! Ryou, wait up!" Yugi's voice startles him out of his thoughts. 

He stops mid-stride, surprised, and turns back. "Yugi?..." Bakura disappears as he turns, fading back into the ring. 

"I thought I saw you!" The boy smiles brightly. "Are you still not feeling well? You've missed a lot of class recently."

 _He noticed... He actually noticed..._ "Thank you, Yugi. I-I'm still not completely recovered, that's all. I was just leaving..." 

"We missed you. If you ever need something let us know. We're friends, right? We should help each other." Yugi's grin grows, radiating sincerity.

"Thank you, Yugi I..." His chest glows with warmth. _They still care about me._ The ring shifts slowly under his shirt and a small, sharp pain bolts through him. He chokes on his next words and lays a hand flat against his chest. 

"What's wrong? Ryou?" Yugi sounds concerned. His hand lands on Ryou's upper arm, squeezing supportively. "Should I get a teacher? The nurse?" 

The pain sharpens at the touch, and Ryou hastily yanks his arm away. "No- it's nothing- I need to get home- I'll see you later Yugi!" He darts away, ignoring his friend calling after him worriedly. 

Once safely out of sight Ryou carefully unbuttons his uniform jacket. There are small spots of blood on his shirt, he lifts it up to peek at the damage. Five small pricks from the ring's spikes decorate his chest. "Bakura- Jeesze what's wrong with you? Are you angry? Jealous?" He stares at the ring, waiting for a response, but receives nothing but silence. 

Ryou shakes his head when it's clear the spirit isn't going to dignify him with a response. "I don't understand what set you off... I wish you'd answer some of my questions for me. I'm trying to understand you, I want to. I wish you'd let me." Carefully he buttons his jacket back up to hide his shirt, then hurries home.

\---

After dinner he sits at his desk, addressing a new letter to his mom and Amane. A lot has happened that he needs to tell them about and it'll help him organize his thoughts too. Halfway through his pen runs out of ink and he frowns. "Dangit..." He tosses it in the trash and rifles through the drawers on his desk, searching for a new one. His fingers brush against various clutter. _I need to reorganize everything._ When he touches something unfamiliar. It's small, round, and smooth, it rolls away from his grasp. He can't remember putting anything like that inside his desk. He gropes for it again, catching it before it escapes. 

Carefully he pulls it out, turning it back and forth in front of the light to examine it. It's gold-colored and perfectly smooth but for an eye etched onto one part of it. The shape of the eye looks familiar. As he tilts it to the side a fleck of something dark, red, and crusty catches the light.

"This..." Ryou stares at it for a moment, uncomprehending. _Click._ The man in the red suit. _Click._ Red staining his fingers. Prying the golden eye from the man's skull- _Click._

Disgust. Horror. Nausea. The eye falls from his hand as he runs blindly for the bathroom, stomach-turning. Bile burns his throat as falls to his knees in front of the toilet. Tears stream down his cheeks as he heaves, throwing up his dinner. "Why Bakura? Why?" He sobs. "I don't understand. Why did I see that? What are you trying to do?"

"I told you to stay out of my business. That's what happened when you were chained up." The spirit materializes behind him. "I do whatever is necessary to achieve my goals. Nothing more. Nothing less."

"You hurt that man- you pulled that eye out of his head! I don't see how that could ever be necessary!" Ryou whirls to glare at the spirit. "What are you trying to do?" 

Bakura's expression is perfectly blank. Cold. Distant. Different than normal. It's unsettling. "It doesn't concern you." He lifts his chin and his eyes flash in warning.

Every nerve ending inside Ryou is screaming 'danger' but he presses on. "You're using my body! There was blood on my hands!" 

"Yadonushi if you keep this up I'm going to be angry." Bakura's expression doesn't change. "You are my host, that's all. Your body belongs to me. You're still alive only because it's too inconvenient to find another host to handle my power."

"I won't let you use my body to hurt people anymore. I'll fight you as hard as I can for control. I won before. I can do it again."

"You only won because I was caught off guard. It won't happen again. You've felt the difference in our strength. You can struggle all you want but it won't make a difference. Shall I lock you in the cell again?" 

His body turns to ice at the thought of the cell, the shackles locked around his wrists, helpless. He takes a deep breath and presses on, "I... I can't let you hurt anyone else. I won't let you." His hands are trembling but he gropes blindly behind him. His fingers close around a razor blade. "I'll hurt myself before that happens. You won't use my body again." He presses the edge of the blade to the inside of his arm.

"Try it Yadonushi." Bakura tilts his head, his gaze is as cold as ice.

Ryou's hands are still trembling but he steels himself and presses down hard with the blade. Before the edge can draw blood a strong presence wraps around his wrist, yanking his hand away. The razor goes flying so fast it hits the wall. "Bakura?..." Slowly he lifts his gaze back to the spirit. 

Bakura's face has shifted from blank to anger, his expression twisted into a snarl. "I warned you."

"Kura please...." Ryou flinches from the change in tone. "I-I don't... I don't want to hurt anyone anymore. I want... I want to understand you. You won't tell me anything about you. Where you come from, what you're doing, why you're doing all of this. I wish you would explain it to me. There has to be a better way than hurting people. I wish you would trust me and let me help you." 

"Trust is for the weak. You still don't understand Yadonushi. I'm here for one reason only, and it isn't to confide in you." 

The chilling feeling of heavy shackles forms around his wrists. "No! Kura please, please I'm sorry. I'll do anything don't lock me there again please, please don't-" He's dragged backward in the middle of his pleading. Just as before his back hits the stone of the cell hard. His head bounces off the stone and stars blossom in his vision.

Bakura materializes next to him on his feet. "I have to remind you of your place Yadonushi."

The chains holding him yank him up and backward. His back hits the wall and all the breath leaves his lungs in a gasp. His toes barely brush the floor, he's hanging from his wrists, metal biting deeply into his skin. "Kura...?" 

"Quiet." Bakura paces closer to him. Something silver flashes in his hand. "I thought I made it clear to you to stop pushing. I see now I wasn't firm enough." 

"What are you holding?..." Ryou's vision is still clouded from impact, filled with bright spots, blurred by tears. He blinks quickly, trying to focus on the spirit's hand. "What are you doing?" 

"It's fine if you scream Yadonushi. No one will hear you." The silver flashes again, catching the moonlight as it presses against his chest. In one short, sharp downward motion Ryou's shirt splits down the center along with his flesh, he chokes on a sob. "No one ever heard me."

"Kura... Kura..." His vision finally focuses. A knife. The spirit is holding a knife, the edge dyed red. Blood beads along the cut from sternum to stomach. It's a bright, sharp line of pain. The longer it sits open the more it hurts. "I'm sorry please don't do this please-" Another flash of silver. A new line of white-hot pain opening across his side. 

"Do you know where this is? It's inside our soul." Bakura muses aloud softly as more lines of fire open along Ryou's chest. "It feels real, doesn't it? But outside of here, you won't feel a thing. How long do I need to let you hang here before you learn your lesson?"

Breathless incoherent pleas fall from Ryou's lips mixed with sobs. It's hard to focus. Flash. More lines carved into his skin. Flash. Hot tears streaming down his cheeks, dripping to the floor in time with his blood. Flash. Trying to focus on Bakura's words. Flash. His head swimming with fog, begging for it to stop stop stop- 

"Yadonushi. Focus on me now, it's important." Bakura's voice is softer now, almost gentle. His fingers grasp Ryou's chin, lifting it slowly. "Can you understand me?"

Ryou's chest heaves as he tries to catch his breath. He's cold from the air of the cell. He's warm from the lines of pain tracing his chest, from the blood dripping in slow rivulets down his skin. His vision swims, everything bleeding and running together into lines of dark color. He blinks slowly and new tears trace down his cheeks, cutting through dried salt tracks. "Kura..." The spirit's face comes into sharp focus, sharp teeth, red eyes, an almost smile playing across his face. 

"That's it. I'm right here. Pay attention now. I never want you to forget this feeling. Never try to harm yourself again. Stay out of my past. Stay out of my business. It has nothing to do with you. We aren't comrades. We aren't friends. You are nothing more than a host to me. Your body is mine to use in whatever way I see fit. It belongs to me. I'm going to leave you here for a while. Sink this memory into your mind Yadonushi."

The grip on his chin eases and Bakura disintegrates before his eyes. His words stick in Ryou's mind but not the one's the spirit wanted. _Our soul._ Ryou stares down at his marked-up chest. Cuts just deep enough to bleed slowly dripping. _No one ever heard me._ Rivulets of blood drying dark against his milky skin. _Bakura, who did this to you?_ Ryou tilts his head back against the stone, staring at the moonlight filtering through the bars. _This place was real. How long did you spend staring at these walls?_ The heat from his blood slowly being leeched away by the cold, ice creeping over his skin and into his veins, crystalizing deep inside of him. _Did you cry too?_

\---

Ryou claws away from the rest of the memory back to reality, dry heaving, shivering. The blanket wrapped around his shoulders provides no warmth. "I should have hated you after that. Any sane person would have, but I couldn't. I couldn't." He curls up tighter, tucking himself into a ball, swallowing his nausea at the memory of blood marking his skin. "Even as I hung there I couldn't hate you. All I could think of was you being left in that same position. I wasn't thinking of my suffering. I was thinking of yours." 

The shivers finally begin to slow though he doesn't feel any warmer inside. His breaths come easier. "Are you still here? Bakura?" 

_Yadonushi._ The voice is soft this time, right next to his ear. Cool wind brushes past his skin. Comforting. 

"I'm glad... I wish I could see you. Feel you. I need you Kura." Ryou sighs softly. The rest of the memory tugs at him, urging him to sink back and watch. "Each and every memory back in its place even if it's painful... I understand." His eyes drop to half-mast as the tugging grows more persistent. "I'll see it through until the end. This is the turning point. You gave me a clue. A new place to look for our connection." His eyes close completely and he sinks into the memory piece.

\---

Ryou awakens in his bed instead of the cell. The chill is gone, replaced with the warmth of his comforter. It's a complete one-eighty turn from how he fell asleep. He was expecting a harsher wake-up call after everything that happened. Gingerly he slides his fingers up under his shirt, probing for wounds. 

Nothing. His fingers find only the cool metal of the ring. It's in the same position it always is, resting against his skin.

"Bakura?" He calls softly to the empty apartment.

Silence.

He rolls over and gropes for his phone lying on the nightstand. The date and time flash reassuringly at him as he picks it up. It's the next day, early morning. _Bakura didn't stay out for long this time..._ It's a relief. He unlocks it with a flick of his thumb. Several notifications flash for unread text messages and missed calls. Yugi and the rest of the group texted him a mix of concerned and encouraging messages. The missed calls are from Yugi. Ryou bites his lips, worrying it between his teeth as he thinks. _I need to talk to Yugi but if Bakura decides to listen in..._

"Bakura?" He calls out louder this time. "Are you there?"

Silence.

_Hopefully, he's ignoring me again. I have to take my chances. I need to know..._

Ryou rolls up out of bed, dialing Yugi's number at the same time. He presses the phone against his ear as he rifles through a dresser for clean clothes. 

Yugi picks up on the second ring, "Ryou? Is that you? Are you alright?" 

"I've been better." He finally answers honestly. It's time for him to lean on his friends for support. "I need to talk to you in person. Can we meet up today? Please, I have so much I need to ask you-"

"Of course." Yugi interrupts his ramble with determination. "I can meet you now. Do you want to drop by the shop? We can have tea and talk in private." 

"Yes. Yes, thank you." Immeasurable relief. His trust isn't misplaced. Hope. "I'll be there shortly." 

"I'll let Grandpa know. I'll see you soon Ryou." 

\---

"What did you want to talk about?" Yugi's voice is kind, as always. They're sat in his room having tea. 

"I... well I was hoping you could tell me more about your puzzle and the spirit inside it. You two get along well don't you?" Ryou holds his cup with both hands, letting the warmth of the tea leech into them. "I know it's personal, I'm sorry." 

"It's alright!" Yugi grins. The sight of it eases Ryou's anxiety. "I have a close relationship with him. He's always close by and there when I need him. He's helped me a lot, and I'm trying to help him too!" 

"What's his name?" Ryou can't help but smile in return. "Is he here right now?"

"I call him Yami. He's sitting with us right now." Yugi points to a spot beside him. "He's interested in what we're talking about. I'm not sure what he does the rest of the time when I can't see him."

"Then when he's in control of your body... you remember what happened?" 

"Always. Usually, I'm hovering by his shoulder the same as he does to me during the day. We're a team. We always work together." Yugi smiles gently, but this time it's towards the space the spirit is sitting in.

Wistfulness twists his heart. _I wish we could be like that._ "It sounds nice, being able to work together like that. I know this is personal, but does Yami remember what happened to him before he became the spirit of the puzzle?"

Yugi glances to the side again, communicating silently with the spirit. "He says it's alright to tell you. He doesn't remember it clearly. The only thing he's been able to recall so far is being called pharaoh. We've been working together to try and figure out his past."

"I see..." _Pharaoh. Egypt. Bakura's from Egypt too. He obviously wasn't royalty though, being held in a prison like that. Did he go through torture? What else did he have to deal with?_

"Ryou? Ryou?" Yugi's voice pulls him from his musings. "Are you alright? You looked lost." 

"I'm fine I..." It's okay to lean on your friends. "I was just thinking about the spirit of the ring. I'm asking you all of this because he's back again and I'm worried for him." 

"Worried for him?" Yugi leans forward now, frowning. "But he hurt you. Multiple times." 

"I think he doesn't know how to interact with people. I think he was hurt before and no one helped him. He doesn't trust anyone." He has some sort of crazy plan too. I wish I knew what it was. 

"That doesn't excuse what he did to you." 

"It does but I..." Ryou tightens his grip on the cup. "I forgive him for it. I want to help him if he's hurting but I have no idea where to start. All I know is he's from Egypt too, a lower class."

"How did you find that out if he won't communicate?" Yugi blinks in surprise, sitting up straight. 

"I was... I'm not sure what it's called. He said we share a soul so I guess it was... somewhere inside us? A memory maybe?" He bites his lip in thought, remembering the cool darkness of the cell.

"It must have been his soul room." Yugi tilts his head to the side in thought. "It's a place that represents everything that you are. I have one, Yami has one too separate from mine. Mine is full of toys and games and stuff. Yami says the door to it is always open. Yami's is across from mine it looks like a maze. We think it's because his memories are missing. What is your spirit's like? Have you seen yours?" 

"I haven't seen mine yet." Soul room. Another piece of the puzzle falling into place. "His is a prison cell in the middle of a desert." The memory of shackles weighs down his wrists, his chest burns where the knife traced across his skin. "I think he was tortured."

Yugi looks off to the side again, having another moment of silent conversation with Yami. "Yami is sorry Ryou, he can't remember anywhere specific. But he is sure that the spirit must have done something awful to end up there."

"No one deserves to be tortured for their crimes." What did you do in your past life Kura? "Thank you for all your help Yugi, Yami. If Yami remembers anything more specific will you tell me?" 

"I will I promise. As long as you tell me if the spirit hurts you again. I'll do everything I can to help you." His friend's eyes are filled with determination. It's the same look of confidence he has before he steps into a duel. 

"I promise." Ryou lies with a smile. He sets his tea down untouched. "Thank you for everything. I should go now before he decides to wake up."

"We're here for you Ryou. All of us, we're friends."

"I know. I'm grateful I met you all. Thank you." 

\---

"Yugi was a good friend," Ryou murmurs as he comes back to reality. The transition is easier this time. A sliver of warmth has crept into his body and he isn't nauseous anymore. "He still is..." His voice trails off as his gaze shifts to the front door of the apartment. The chair is still there wedged firmly underneath the doorknob. No one has pounded on his door or shouted through it in a while. "He came by a lot I think in the beginning. It's hard to remember anything but the pain now. I'm sure he wanted to help but he couldn't. Nothing could with you gone. I need to apologize to him once I'm better. I need to be a better friend." 

Cool air ruffles through his hair like a caress. 

The wound in his chest is soothed by the motion, feeling a little less raw. His head isn't pounding as bad as before either. His thoughts feel clearer. He pulls the blankets tighter around his shoulders and presses his hands flat against his chest where the ring would normally lay missing the weight of the gold.

"Soon. You'll be back soon and I'll get better. Will you indulge me for a bit and lay with me? Stroke my hair? You were never big on the physical affection but..."

 _Yadonushi._ The voice sounds closer this time, pressing against his ear in an imitation kiss.

It's incredibly comforting. "I love you." Ryou closes his eyes at the feeling, sinking down back into his memories.

The memories aren't as agitated now. They swirl up and down in gentle patterns of motion. He reaches into them without hesitation, his fingers finding the memories needed for the next sequence. The weeks leading up to Battle City.


	4. Chapter 4

Ryou sits with his laptop in his lap, clicking through various articles and research papers. Egypt. At last, a solid place to start his search. He's spent the past week after his talk with Yugi researching, digging through article after article, picking apart research papers bit by bit, clawing to find primary sources. Piece by piece he's neatly cataloged everything he found so it's easier to look back on. Finding information hasn't been easy and he still hasn't found exactly what he's looking for. He's toyed with the idea of returning to the museum and asking his father directly for information but each time he's crumpled under the pressure. _I don't want to see him._

Sighing softly Ryou leans back against the couch and stares blankly at the screen. More information sorted through and arranged but... _Not what I'm looking for._ "Another dead end." 

"Stop looking then." Cold breath ghosts over the back of his neck. It makes his skin crawl and break out in gooseflesh. 

He startles at the feeling, sitting bolt upright. _Bakura hasn't spoken at all since he hurt me. I haven't even had any blackouts. What is he doing here?_ Bracing himself for the worst he turns to face the spirit as he speaks. "I'm trying to figure out more about you since you won't tell me yourself. I want to help you."

Bakura is leaning against the top of the couch with his arms folded. His chin rests on top of them and his red eyes study Ryou intently. His expression is different from normal. Not cruel, bored, or sarcastic. Ryou can't put a name to it. "I don't see why. I locked you away. I hurt your 'friends'. I tortured you. I used your body. It should be clear how little I care for you. All I need is your body. I can break your spirit whenever I wish." 

The threat falls flat, lacking the usual harsh bite in Bakura's tone. Ryou swallows his nerves, speaking up quietly. "I forgive you. For everything." The words are easier to say than he thought they would be. "If you were seriously going to hurt me you would have already." 

"I never asked for your forgiveness nor do I need it. Shall I string you up again?" Bakura sneers, his eyes sparking with anger. "Perhaps the lesson will stick if I leave you there for longer this time." 

Lines of fire trace across his chest, the memory of the knife carving into his skin close to the surface. He shoves it away, focusing on the present instead. _Bakura could have done worse to me._ "You mean locking me up in your soul room? You didn't have anywhere else you could stick me after I escaped the darkness right?"

The spirit's eyes narrow into a glare, his expression guarded. "You only know what it's called because of the pharaoh and his host. You're ignorant. You don't know what you're talking about." 

"Their names are Yami and Yugi. You should use them." He straightens up under Bakura's glare instead of shrinking. "I don't want to be ignorant, I'm looking for information the only way I know how. If that doesn't satisfy you then teach me yourself. Let me help you." 

"How many times must I say it? I do not need help Yadonushi least of all from you. Stop searching. Stop prying. I will hurt you again." His voice is cold and cutting like shards of ice.

The threat makes him pause, inhaling sharply. He can almost feel the manacles locking around his wrists again. Biting into his flesh, weighing him down. _I won't let him intimidate me this time. I want answers. I want to help him like Yugi and the others have helped me._ "Like someone hurt you?" 

"Enough!" Bakura bolts upright at that, slashing through the air with one hand. "Speak one more time and I'll-"

"I'm not scared of you Kura, not anymore. Lock me up, torture me, break me... but you won't change my mind, We are one and the same. I need you and... and you need me." His voice steadily raises as he speaks with growing confidence. As the words fall from his lips he knows they're true, can feel it from the depths of his soul. Bakura must know it too, he can't ignore it. 

"Where did you get that idea?" His eyes are sparks of flame, his lips pressed together in a thin line, his nostril's flared. "We are nothing alike. We are not connected. I do not need you- I do not need anyone!" 

"I'm right, you know I am!" Ryou's fingers curl around the ring, lifting it up. It's icy cold again, freezing against his bare skin. "Why else would it hurt when I take the ring off? I bet it hurt you too. We're bonded. I need you for protection. You need me as my host." 

"Ridiculous. Where did you come up with that idea Yadonushi?" Bakura looks away, crossing his arms. "It didn't hurt me. We aren't bonded. I don't need anything." 

"It's true- look at me!" He stands up on his knees leaning over the back of the couch to get back in Bakura's eyesight. "You don't want to care but you do. You didn't have to protect me from the teacher, or when I got groceries but you did. And the more I've been thinking about it the only way I could have survived the car crash was because of-"

"Shut up!" Bakura whirls back to face him, fingers locking into place around Ryou's throat. They feel almost solid, chips of ice digging into his skin. "I've heard enough of your rambling. Whatever you're thinking right now you're wrong Yadonushi. I care nothing for your life." 

Ryou meets his eyes without fear. "I care for you Kura."

The spirit's face twists with an unidentifiable emotion. Disgust? Shock? Anger? The hand falls away from his throat and Bakura turns on his heel away from him, disappearing back into the ring. Ryou reaches up and gingerly traces where Bakura's fingers dug into his skin. It feels tender, it stings. 

_I'll try talking to him again later._ He honestly expected to be dragged down with the spirit and strung up again in Bakura's soul chamber. Or at the very least thrown into the suffocating darkness again. The fact that he didn't is a more honest answer than his words. I hit a nerve with him.

\---

The days pass by again with no word from Bakura, nor any blackouts. Ryou often finds himself sitting quietly for long periods of time, holding the ring. His thoughts wander often to the spirit. _If only I could go inside... but I don't know how._ _Bakura is always the one dragging me around._

"Ryou?" Yugi's hand waves across his vision. "Are you alright? You stopped responding."

"Sorry Yugi, I was lost in thought." Ryou sighs and focuses on his friend's face. The group is gathered in a corner for lunch. Yugi is sat next to him with a concerned frown. Joey and Tristan are fighting over something stupid. Tea is caught between them, trying to get them back in line. "I was just thinking... I've never seen my soul room. Have you seen yours?" 

"Of course!" Yugi laughs and grins. "It's easy to visit if I concentrate enough. I've seen Yami's too. They're different from one another."

"But how? Do you meditate?" If I can get to my soul room then maybe I can find my way on my own to Bakura's. Then I can check on him. 

"Sort of. It's somewhere between meditating and sleeping." Yugi tilts his head thoughtfully. "Yami had to help me the first time. It's easier to find the feeling once you've been there. It's kind of... homey? I'm not sure how to describe it. At first, I would have to close my eyes and relax and search for that feeling. Then it'd feel like I was falling and I'd wake up in my soul room. Now I can get into it without any effort."

Ryou dutifully commits it all to memory, resolved to try it out tonight. "Thank you, Yugi. Maybe I'll give it a try." He can see that his friend is still concerned, so he pushes all thoughts of Bakura to the side for now. "What were you saying before that?..." He puts effort into smiling wider and talking more, not wanting his friends to worry any more than they have, but he can feel Yugi's eyes lingering on him along with another presence.

\---

He lays back in bed, his fingers wrapped firmly around the ring's cold metal. Keeping Yugi's advice in mind he closes his eyes and breathes deeply, evenly. _A feeling of home?_ He's forgotten what that's like, nowhere has felt truly like home since the accident. Instead, he lets his mind wander to happier memories. Sitting with Amane on the floor playing dolls. His mom's arms wrapped around him. The smell of books and old paper, his father's voice lecturing about history. Sitting at his desk lovingly carving out the features of a new clay model. In the middle of it, the world tilts sharply, the feeling of the bed underneath him disappears, and he's falling. His eyes fly open and around him, there's only darkness. Desperate to stop his descent he scrambles to grab for something, anything, but his fingers find no purchase. The ground rushes up to meet him and he falls with a solid thump into a pile of brightly colored cushions. 

"Wha... that was..." Ryou lays in a daze for a moment, his heart thudding against his chest from the fall. Despite how high it felt the landing didn't ht at all. Gingerly he pushes himself upright to look around. 

It's warm. The room is spacious and open, made of warm varnished hardwood. Sunlight filters down over everything from skylights. Wooden bookshelves line two of the walls. All of his favorite titles, history books, biographies, game books, monster world books, fiction... Plush, brightly colored cushions of various sizes litter the floor for lounging. It smells like freshly brewed tea. He carefully rises and wanders to the other half of the room. Intricate models are spread out over a large table. Lovingly detailed, carved, and painted. Little clay characters are perched throughout it in various positions. Buckets of clay sit underneath the table along with brushes, carving tools, and paints. The perfect workshop. His fingers itch to dig into the clay and create. A tension inside of him eases.

It feels like coming home after a long time. 

Ryou gasps and rubs at his eyes. Tears have begun to run down his cheeks without his permission. He chokes back a sob. _It's beautiful. This is my soul room. What a contrast from Kura's..._ He scrubs at his eyes until they dry, focusing on his task. He turns in a slow circle, taking in everything one more before his eyes land on a single door. _There, a way out. Hopefully, I'll be able to find Kura's room from here._ The door opens on its own and on the other side is nothing but darkness. 

"I hope I don't get lost..." Deep breath. He walks to the open door and without hesitation steps into the darkness. There's a moment of vertigo- which way is up? which way is down?- before the suffocating feeling relents. It's a dark corridor, the ceiling so high it's impossible to see. There's only one direction for him to walk in though. He glances back at his soul room one more time before heading down the hall. It doesn't take long for another door to come into view. It's made of thick heavy wood with steel bars and a steel handle. A prison cell.

 _Do I knock?_ He wonders, slowly moving closer to it. The closer he gets the colder he feels. _No. I don't want to give him the chance to lock me out._ He grasps the handle with both hands and pulls, putting all of his weight behind the motion. It isn't nearly as heavy as he thought. The door easily swings open, knocking him off balance onto his butt. 

"Ouch... did you see that Kura?" Behind the door is more oppressive darkness with a faint white light in the distance. "I guess not. You'd be laughing if you did..." He stands and dusts himself off. No turning back now. He slips inside and the door closes with a clang behind him. He walks towards the white light and soon he can recognize the glow of moonlight against bars, casting wide shadows. He quietly steps up to the bars of Bakura's cell. The spirit is sat on the hard bench, one knee drawn up to his chest, watching the moonlight filter through the window bars. As always he's dressed in the same fashion as Ryou, blue jeans and a striped shirt.

Ryou quietly slips into the cell and takes a seat beside the spirit. He folds his hands in his lap and studies Bakura's expression. Once more he can't put a name to the emotions playing over it, but it isn't blank. _As long as it isn't blank._

"What are you doing here Yadonushi?" Bakura's voice shatters the quiet. 

"Visiting you. You stopped talking to me again." 

"Hn." He mutters something unintelligible before sparing a glance at Ryou. "How did you even get here?"

"I asked Yugi for advice. It was weird, coming here by myself." Goosebumps raise along his arms and the back of his neck. Just as before it's freezing within the cell. "But I wanted to see you."

Bakura's eyes finally slide over to him, up and down. His expression turns contemplative. "Leave before I string you up again. I won't be as kind as last time."

Ryou pauses at that. He doesn't seem dangerous right now though, not like before. "Why don't you come with me to my soul room? It's warmer, there's sunlight... Have you seen it before?" Inch by inch he moves his hand closer to Bakura until it lays on top of the hand resting on the spirit's knee. Here in their shared soul, Bakura's hand feels solid, icy cold, almost like marble. It's strange but not unpleasant.

Bakura's gaze flicks to the point of contact, appraising it with something close to surprise. "I've had no reason to visit it." 

"Come see it with me now then." Ryou lightly curls his fingers around the spirit's hand and rises. If he was going to hurt me he'd have done it already. "Please?"

For a moment there's silence, the only thing disturbing it the swish of shifting sands outside the cell. The lines around Bakura's mouth deepen as he presses his lips together, frowning. "...Fine. Lead on Yadonushi." He uncurls and rises.

"It's not far." Ryou smiles and guides him out into the dark corridor. The door to his soul room is rich dark wood varnished to a shine. It opens with a touch of his hand, revealing the sunlit interior. "Come in, welcome." He steps inside, tugging Bakura along beside him. 

The spirit looks around, taking in everything in the spacious room. He pulls his hand away and wanders away from Ryou. He trails his fingers over the spines of the books, pacing along the shelves before walking over to the tables holding the clay models. He picks up one of the soldier dolls, turning it back and forth in his hands.

A sense of loss fills his chest when Bakura's hand slides away from his. Strange. He quietly watches the spirit explore his soul room, it feels strangely intimate. Everything in here represents him. Hesitantly he steps up beside Bakura. "I make these for fun. I made all the models for the monster hunter game. The ones you used against Yugi." 

"...I know." Bakura sets the model back in its place. "I watched you make them."

"You did? I didn't notice." He's never seen Bakura in this sort of mood. 

"I didn't want you to." He snorts and paces around the tables, looking over the rest of the model. "You have always been intent on your work. Even if I spoke you wouldn't notice." 

"You tried speaking to me before?... I never heard you."

"I know. You couldn't hear me, it didn't matter how loud I talked." Bakura studies the room quietly for a bit before turning back to him. "I don't understand. What are you hoping to accomplish Yadonushi? I chained you, tortured you, and yet here you are, claiming you aren't afraid of me."

"I'm not." His voice is firm, confident. "You're hurting, you've been hurting for a lot longer than I have, and I want to help you. I still remember the first time I put on the ring. I felt warm and whole. Something was missing before then, you. You complete me. I need you Kura. I'm not scared of you because you need me too."

Bakura slowly crept closer as he spoke, bit by bit until he's stood inches from Ryou, frowning. "You are a fool." His hand locks around Ryou's throat like an icy collar. "I could hurt you again. I could do it now." 

"You could." Ryou leans into the feeling, meeting the spirit's red eyes without fear. "But you won't. Not all of you revels in hurt and bloodshed. I've seen it-" The fingers tighten in warning and he falls quiet, watching the flickers of emotion across the face so similar to his.

Bakura is silent for the span of several heartbeats before he moves. One by one his fingers unlock from around Ryou's throat and he turns away. "You dragged me here Yadonushi, entertain me. What are all these characters for?"

There's a flutter of something tender and warm behind his breastbone at Bakura's interest in his work. He takes the subject change in stride, walking beside the spirit. "Well, this one is..."

\---

The rest of the memory melts away into reality. "The first time you showed genuine interest in something I did." Ryou blinks to clear away the lingering images in the corner of his vision. "I was nervous but happy. I loved showing you my models, flipping through the books together... I miss that feeling. I miss my soul room. I miss you."

Cool air brushes his cheek in the shape of fingers. It feels more solid than before, more defined. _Yadonushi._

Ryou closes his eyes and leans into the touch, taking comfort and encouragement from it. _Back to work._ It's easy to sink into his whirling memories now. The next fall into place almost on their own, joining the pieces shining in his hands. "We spent more time together in the following weeks, inside and out. I showed you the books in my soul room. I introduced you to tv shows and movies. You hovered over my shoulder when I did homework and wrote letters. You watched me make new dolls. I still researched on the side when I could, but I still wasn't getting anywhere. I didn't push you for information though. I didn't want to make you angry."

He reaches out into the whirling fragments, guiding the next pieces into the puzzle. They don't resist his touch as much, each one snapping into the proper place. The shining shape in his hands is steadily growing, taking on a form. "Everything was fine until Battle City. You were still hiding things from me." He presses the last piece into place and falls into the memory.

\---

"Why did you want to go out today Kura? Where are we going?" Ryou has a bag slung over one shoulder, walking downtown at the spirit's insistence. He threw on a blue short-sleeved shirt over a striped shirt today. The ring is out on top of his shirt for once too. 

"I just wanted to." The spirit mutters. Hes' floating along by Ryou's shoulder. "Turn right at this corner."

Ryou sighs but does as he's asked. He pauses when he walks into a large crowd gathered in the street. In the center of it, two people are dueling with a strange machine strapped to their arms. "This is..." 

"I'm sorry Yadonushi." Bakura's cool hand lands on his shoulder. "Sleep."

"Wait-!" He falls, down, down into the dark abyss again. "No! Kura! Kura please let me help you!" His fingers scrabble to find something to hold onto to stall the fall but find nothing. He lands in a pile of pillows in his soul room. The door leading out into the dark corridors is closed. He's sure it's locked. "Kura..." Hurt, trapped, he curls up to wait. 

_At least it's not the darkness._

\---

It's as impossible to tell the time in here as it is in the dark. The sunlight streaming through the skylights never changes. Eventually, he moves, flipping listlessly through books in an attempt to distract himself. The lock on the door clicks softly. His head snaps upright and he leaps to his feet, ready to demand answers from the spirit. 

"Bakura! What were you-" 

It isn't Bakura that walks through the door, it's a boy with long sandy hair and dark skin. He's holding a golden rod with the millennium eye stamped onto it. He spares a glance around the room before his gaze settles on Ryou. 

"Who are you? How did you get here? What are you doing here?" No one should be able to enter my soul room except me and Bakura. 

The boy answers none of his questions, approaching him quickly. "Not much to you is there? I expected more considering the powerful spirit you host." The boy's hand locks around his wrist. "Come, you're needed." 

Ryou tries to jerk away but the boy's grip is like iron. "What are you talking about-" 

His question is answered immediately. He's jerked forward and his soul room rips away to black. Pain explodes behind his eyes as he rushes up out of the dark. He enters his body with a snap and he sways on his feet, off-balance. It's cold, windy, and the ground is moving. _No- I'm in the sky I'm on a... a plane? It's night time and-_ He blinks, trying to focus his vision. He's holding cards in his right hand and wearing one of those machines on his left. He starts to lift his arm to examine it but it throbs as he does, a bright sharp point of pain cutting through the haze. The air around him is heavy, charged with magic, it's hard for him to breathe, no it's impossible, it feels like steel bands are constricting around his chest slowly crushing him. _It's a shadow game._ Voices shout at him from all directions but he can't comprehend the words. His hand is trembling as he touches the point of pain on his arm, it's wrapped in bandages, wet. He jerks his hand back, his fingers are dyed red. Blood. His blood. The world sways around him, everything blending back into smears of colors. 

"Kura... I thought you were protecting me. Where are you?" His eyes swim with unshed tears. "What did you do?!" He can't see, can't hear, can't focus. He grabs the hair on the sides of his head with both hands, tugging sharply, trying to get the world back into focus again. 

Cool hands lay overtop his, stopping the movement. "Yadonushi." Bakura's voice slips past his ears, audible even over the wind. "I'm here. Relax. Give control back to me." 

"What's happening?" He sobs, his tears spilling over onto his cheeks. "I don't understand." Slowly he unclenches his fingers and drops his hands with Bakura's encouragement. 

"I'll explain later. Don't fight me, give me control." Another voice is in the background now, counting down aloud. Kaiba? "Trust me." 

Swallowing another sob he nods slowly. "I trust you." His grip on their body breaks but he doesn't return to the dark, not this time. He's left floating behind his body, he traded places with Bakura. 

"Don't cry Yadonushi. I'll be back soon. I promise." Bakura smirks and faces forward. "Bring it pharaoh!" 

Yugi- no Yami stands across from them. It's a dueling platform, it's easy to see that now. The group is gathered along the side of it along with other unfamiliar faces, one of them is the sandy-haired boy. Yami hesitates only a moment longer before bringing his hand down, shouting out a command. 

_A duel..._ Realization dawns on him, the significance of Bakura wanting to trade places with him again. _A shadow duel! If he loses-_ "Bakura you can't! Don't leave me you can't leave me!" He tries to reach the spirit, seize control back, but it's too late. The blast from the duel knocks him back. 

Darkness clouds his vision. His body hits the ground in front of him. Empty. _Kura, Kura..._ He wants to shout at Yami, to cry, but he's losing the battle to unconsciousness. He sinks back into his flesh as darkness once more takes hold.

Shapes swirl around him in the black. Clawed hands grasping at his limbs. Half-formed beasts circling him. He feels empty, hollowed out, and discarded. He struggles to free himself calling over and over for Bakura to help. A giant mouth filled with sharp teeth rises from the depths and swallows him whole. 

"Kura!" Ryou wakes with a start. He's lying back on a bed with an iv in his arm. His upper arm doesn't hurt as badly as before. It's been rebandaged and cleaned. His chest is what aches now, cold and empty without Bakura's presence. "He's gone, something else is missing though... the ring!" he sits bolt upright. The comforting weight of the ring is gone from his neck. "They took it from me." Without another thought, he rips the iv out of his arm and stands on unsteady feet. 

"Where is it?" He stumbles through cold metal hallways, leaning against the wall for support. His chest throbs in time with his heartbeat. He's cold and empty, so empty. The feeling is spreading from his chest out through his body. He searches each room he comes across, desperate to find the artifact. In the last room of the hall, he finds it laying atop a bed. He picks it up and drops it over his neck, feeling its weight fall back into place. It's shocking cold even through his shirt but the throbbing empty feeling in his chest stops the moment it's in contact with him. His breath comes easier, his panic calming, he hugs it tightly to his chest. "Kura..."

"You should stop losing the ring Yadonushi."

Ryou whirls at the familiar voice, relieved to see Bakura floating behind him unharmed. He's torn between hitting him and hugging him. "You're back, I thought... I thought if you lost a shadow duel your soul is lost forever in the shadow realm. I was so worried." 

"It's different for me. I'm here." Bakura's hands hover over his shoulders, radiating cold. It's different though, this time its comforting. "I promised you." 

"You did." He sniffs, tears welling up in his eyes again. "I wish you would trust me as much as I trust you Kura." 

"Soon Yadonushi, I promise. Dry your tears. First, we must get rid of Marik. I need your help." The spirit's hands brush under Ryou's eyes. 

"What are we going to do?" Ryou wipes away his tears with the heel of his hand. "Don't lock me away again, please. Let me help you and if I can't help then please let me be by your side. I hate not knowing what's going on outside." 

"I won't. We're going to make sure Marik loses this tournament. Tuck the ring into your shirt or your friends will take it away again. Come, we need to see what's happening outside with the duels." 

Ryou does as asked, tucking the ring inside his striped shirt. The metal slowly warms from contact with his skin. "Let's go."

\---

The memory fades away to reality. The blanket is still draped over his shoulders. He isn't warm but he isn't cold either. It's an improvement. His head throbs rhythmically, his eyelids are heavy, and his body feels like lead. His vision swims, unfocused. He's wrung out, exhausted, emotionally and physically. "In the end, we didn't have to do much. Yugi and Yami beat Marik and banished him to the shadow realm. He deserved it." 

A silent brush of fingers running through his hair. 

He leans into the feeling, comforted. The more memories he pieces together the more solid these touches feel. "I need to rest... just for a bit okay? I can't do any more right now. 

_Yadonushi._ Cool lips pressing against his forehead, barely there. The voice filled with affection. 

Ryou's chest warms from it, it makes his lips twitch into a smile. He drags himself over to his bed, sparing a glance for the time on his alarm clock. _It's the next day? How long was I..._ He collapses onto his bed, sinking into the softness of his mattress and the warmth of his thick comforter. He's passed out before his head hits the pillow. 

\---

He wakes slowly, his stomach cramps reminding him of how long it's been since he's eaten. He rolls onto his back slowly, dragging his heavy limbs around as he blinks blearily. _How long was I asleep? Too long._ He groans as he stretches life back into his body, sitting up and swinging his legs over the side of the bed. "Kura?" He calls out softly.

 _Yadonushi._ The voice sounds amused. 

"As if you would look any better after sleeping." Ryou's laugh is choked with tears. He never thought he'd be able to banter with Bakura again. "I'll work soon, I promise." He drags himself out of bed to find something to eat, anything will do.

Freshly showered he curls up on a corner of the couch, a pillow under his head, blanket wrapped tight around him. "What was next..." The throbbing in his head isn't as sharp today, only a dull ache behind his eyes. A cool hand lays over his forehead and he closes his eyes, sinking into his memories. 

These memories prick him as he catches them. They're edged in thorns. "More painful memories. We have too many of them." Ryou sighs softly, fitting them into the puzzle. "But these are not all bad, it isn't like when you locked me up. There's hope here too. Stay with me, Kura." The memories sweep over him like a wave.

\---

Once more he's curled up on a corner of the couch, laptop in his lap. All the information he's carefully researched and organized is pulled up on the screen. _It's not enough. I'll never find what I'm looking for. I have to wait for Bakura to come talk to me..._ Two weeks have passed since Battle City. Yugi and the others had swarmed him with concern and questions after the final duel. He dodged the worst of them but he could feel Yugi's knowing gaze on him. He hasn't been back to school since, he decided it would be better to work remotely after everything that happened. He can't face the group right now. The spirit has been around more, hovering near Ryou's shoulder, following him around, occasionally sitting with him, chatting, forcing Ryou to read books for him, but they haven't talked about anything important. _I don't want to push him again but..._ Sighing softly he closes down the documents. His desktop background is a photo of a desert, rolling sands.

"What is that machine called anyway? You never told me." Bakura leans on the arm of the couch, looking over his shoulder. 

"It's been a few days, I was starting to get worried. Where have you been?" Ryou tilts his head to look at him.

"Around. I watched you write your letter last night." Bakura reaches around him, running his see-through fingers over the keys. "We used this for Monster Hunter, didn't we? What else is it used for?"

"Research, writing, reading, calculations, all sorts of things. It's called a laptop." Ryou closes it gently. He can introduce the spirit to the internet later. "I thought we were going to talk." 

Bakura's jaw tightens like he's grinding his teeth. "We are talking. We've been talking." 

"Kura..." Ryou sighs softly. His hand hovers over the spirit's cheek, knowing he can't touch his companion right now but wanting to. "You know what I mean. I care for you. I want you to trust me how I trust you. You promised you'd talk to me."

"You said you trusted me on the airship, but how much Yadonushi?" The spirit tilts his head as if curious but his body is tense, ready to bolt.

"With all my heart and soul."

The simple sincerity of his statement makes Bakura recoil, then freeze. His eyes widen. "You cannot mean that."

"I do." He reaches out automatically to comfort Bakura but his hand passes right through the spirit's hand. It makes his heart twist. If we were in our soul rooms we could touch. The world blurs, then fades to a familiar black as they both fall, only to land on the pillows that decorate Ryou's soul room. 

"How did you do that?" Bakura scowls, recovering from his shock. 

"I don't know... and it doesn't matter right now." Ryou reaches out without hesitation, covering Bakura's hand with his. "I trust you. The ring came to me for a reason. Please, can't you trust me?" He squeezes his hand. 

Bakura glares at their joined hands, a hint of a scowls still present on his face. "...don't say a word until I'm done speaking. Understood Yadonushi? If you do I swear I'll lock you up again and things will go back to how they were before."

"Understood," Ryou states simply and falls quiet, watching the spirit. 

Several emotions flicker across his face before finally, haltingly, he speaks. "I was born in a village of thieves called Kul Elna. It was a poor village full of tomb robbers, thieves, and mercenaries. All trade there was done with blood money. My parents were the same, but they loved me. There is some honor among thieves after all. When I was young the village was attacked by pharaoh Aknamkanon's men. My mother hid me in a basket and made me promise to stay in it no matter what happened. I saw everything. It was a slaughter. Blood dyed the sand red. The air was heavy, it was hard to breathe, hard to stay quiet. The men did something to their bodies, the sky started to spin, someone spoke words I didn't understand, they were turned into something new. The millennium items."

Ryou's stomach rolls with revulsion. The millennium ring feels like it weighs twice as much, pulling his neck down. _Why?_ He presses closer to Bakura, leaning against him to give comfort and receive it. _I knew the items were capable of dark magic but this... this cruelty for power... I don't understand._

"I crawled out of the basket when morning came and saw nothing but blood and the empty village. I was the sole survivor of the massacre. The village looked empty, but it didn't feel that way. Even in the light of day, it felt dark and oppressive. I started hearing things, hallucinating things in the corner of my vision, I felt sick. I took what little food I could find and left. I lived the only way I knew how, as a thief. I was caught often at first, beaten, thrown out, threatened. But I refused to beg, and my skills quickly grew. My name spread across Egypt and I became a legend, the thief king. I ruled over my kingdom, I had an entire network of people under me... No matter what I did, how successful I was, or how much people feared me, I couldn't forget that night. It taunted me in my dreams, haunted my waking hours, followed me like a dark cloud. I swore revenge upon the pharaoh for all the lost souls of Kul Elna." 

_He was a child, he could have died. It's a wonder he didn't go completely mad._ Ryou leans further against the spirit for comfort. Bakura is cold as always but it's more comforting than warmth to him. The spirit hasn't moved at all since he began his tale.

"It became an obsession. I started gathering information on the palace, the guards, their rotations, who came in and out of the palace, and at what time. I had a plan, I was close, so close to getting revenge... but I was betrayed. Soldiers ambushed and captured me. Me, the thief king, feared across the sands, thrown into a cell, like a commoner." His hands curl into fists, clenched so tightly they're shaking. 

_I want to comfort him._ Slowly, hesitantly, Ryou pulls Bakura's hand into his lap. He strokes the back of it gently and along his wrist. Bakura pauses in telling his tale to look at their hands before looking away. He doesn't pull his hand away, gradually one by one his fingers uncurl and relax. Ryou softens when he sees that and carefully laces his fingers between Bakura's, squeezing his hand.

Bakura clears his throat before speaking again but makes no move to pull his hand away or shove Ryou off. "The cell was small and I was chained to the wall by my wrists. All of the guards didn't know who I was, but one guard did. He took joy in torturing me. I'll spare you the details Yadonushi. It'll give you nightmares. The more time I spent there, the more I felt something watching me." 

His voice sounds detached as he continues, his gaze unfocused. It's as if he's staring into the past. "I stared into the shadows and swore something was talking to me. Not long after that, a guard had me strung up in the cell and he cut my face. It went down over my right cheek, my blood ran over his hands, down my chest. The voice whispered to me while he did, whispers of revenge. I broke. The voice gave me its name. Diabound. I called for it and the cell was painted with his blood instead of mine. It was a monster of the shadow realm and when I stared into its eyes all I could see was my village painted in blood, all I could hear were the screams of my people. This monster, this power, was given to me by the village to avenge them. I had to put them to rest."

 _Maybe he did go mad for a time. At the least he didn't escape unscathed, no one could after all of that. I can't imagine going through any of it._ Ryou squeezes the spirit's hand gently. _But he isn't there anymore. He's here, with me. This is all I can do right now._ He gently traces patterns onto the back of Bakura's hand, circling his wrist. 

"I could call for it whenever I wanted to. We were bound together. I returned to my kingdom and found it in shambles, lead by the traitor. I made an example out of him. By the time I was done everyone was kneeling, pledging their fealty. I rebuilt my network and looked into the pharaoh only to find out he passed. From illness. I was livid." Bakura spits out the words, his fingers tightening around Ryou's. "Revenge snatched from me by a simple illness."

 _That hurts._ Ryou winces as his fingers ache. Bakura's holding him too tight. He doesn't try to pull away though. He leans into the spirit's shoulder and continues lightly tracing patterns up the spirit's arm, hoping it'll calm him. 

"But my spies also told me of the pharaoh's son. Young, impressionable, and in charge of the country. I couldn't make the pharaoh confront his sins but I could make his son bear them. His name... I cannot remember it now. Strange."

Ryou's stomach rolls again, this time with dread. _Yami. He's talking about Yami._ He's not sure he wants to hear what's coming, but he has to. Bakura is already talking. 

"It should have been simple. The brat didn't even reach my knees the first time I tried to kill him. We ambushed them, killed the guards, and the little pharaoh got thrown into a patch of briars. I thought he was dead but a week later my spies in the palace said he was alive. Thriving even. Ridiculous. I tried everything. Poison. Kidnapping. Assassination. Nothing worked and with each failure, my hatred grew. I faced him several more times face to face, each time his servants got in the way. Diabound was strong, but they had the power of the millennium items. I cornered the one that held the ring and defeated him. The ring called to me and even though the creation of the items disgusted me I took it. I needed its power to call upon the shadow realm. Meanwhile, with each battle, the pharaoh survived the more the people loved him. It disgusted me." 

Bakura's hand tightens around his, harder and harder until his fingers turn numb. Swallowing a protest Ryou squeezes his hand in return. _The millennium items never should have been created, but if they hadn't been... I never would have met him._ He can sense the conclusion to the tale coming.

"At last, I had the power of the shadow realm and the power of Diabound. I stormed the palace with my soldiers. I confronted the pharaoh face to face at last, on equal grounds. Diabound cut down his monsters with ease, growing more and more powerful with each kill. I felt unstoppable. Victory was in sight. The ghosts of the past would finally stop haunting me. I made the killing blow and he reflected my attack back at me. I fell into the neverending darkness of the shadow realm. I was terrified, desperate. The millennium ring called to me and I called for it in return, seizing its power. I managed to seal a portion of my soul within it before I was consumed. Trapped but alive, I endured. The artifacts were lost in the fall of the kingdom and there I sat, nursing my hatred, plotting my revenge. Countless unworthy souls tried to wear the ring and master its powers, master me. I broke their wills and devoured them. All of them except you. When you put on the ring I knew you were different, you were the host I was waiting for... and here we are Yadonushi. Are you satisfied?" 

"I'm grateful that you finally told me everything," Ryou states softly, looking at his lap. He doesn't want to anger the spirit, not now that they've made progress. Inside he's a mess of emotions. Disgust. Dread. Anger. Sympathy. Sadness. His eyes fill with tears as he tries to put a voice to them. "I.. I'm not satisfied, I'm angry. I understand your hatred for the original pharaoh, what he did was unforgivable. The millennium items never should have existed. They do though, I can't change your past." His tears spill over into thin streams, running over his cheeks. He isn't crying for himself, he's crying for the spirit and all the hurt he's endured through the centuries. "But I can help shape your future. I want to help you." 

"You would betray your friends?" Bakura's grip on his fingers eases. They tingle as blood flows back into them. "Friends you've defended from me."

"You share my soul. I think they would understand, I know Yugi would at least." Ryou scrubs at his eyes with his free hand, futilely trying to stop his tears. "I know you've been holding a grudge towards him but Yami isn't the one that made the millennium items, it was his father. He might not even know where the items came from." He looks up at the spirit, making one last plea. "We could talk to him, settle this without any more fighting." 

Bakura falls quiet, entertaining the idea for a moment. That more than anything shows how much he's changed. "...No." The damning word falls from his lips. "I'll have my revenge and lay the souls of my village to rest. There is no other way." 

"I- I understand." His lower lip trembles and more tears spill over his cheeks. Ryou already knows what he's going to say. There is no other answer. "I'll stand with you Kura. Let me help you." I'm sorry everyone.

"You truly mean that... I didn't think you had a backbone." The spirit shifts, at last, pulling his hand and arm away from Ryou.

He resists the urge to cling to Bakura as he moves away. Holding his hand was as much a comfort to himself as it was for the spirit. He sniffs and looks down, scrubbing under his eyes. _He doesn't need my comfort. He must hate that I'm crying._

"Stop crying Yadonushi." Bakura's arm drapes around his shoulder instead. "Especially on my behalf. It's annoying." There's no bite behind the words. 

"I'm sorry." Ryou laughs, his voice thick from crying. "I can't help it. Everything that happened to you and now this it's just-"

"Quiet." Bakura's arm tightens, pulling him against his body. His hand presses Ryou's face against his chest. "It's a waste of your tears. Don't cry for me. We have work to do now. Understand?" 

Ryou can't help but laugh again at the spirit's matter-of-fact tone. _Is he trying to cheer me up?_ He presses closer to Bakura, basking in the cold radiating from his body. It feels good against his flushed face. "Understood. What do you want me to do first Kura?" 


	5. Chapter 5

The storm has quieted around him, the memories swirling slower in their patterns. His hands are already moving as the memory fades, connecting the next pieces. They come to him easily, clinging to his fingers. These are things he wanted to remember, groped for time after time trying to keep. "You finally let me in. I was ready to do anything for you." They link and connect fitting together easily. The shining shape of his memories is finally taking shape, he can almost see what it'll be once it's complete.

 _Yadonushi._ Affectionate. A soft caress across his cheek. 

It fills him with warmth, renews his confidence. "We're getting closer to the end. Can you feel it? Can you see these memories when I do? You'll have to explain it to me when you're back." His hand moves quicker, pressing more fragments into place until he feels the tug of the memories. It's easy to close his eyes and fall with Bakura beside him.

\---

Countless moments flash by. Sitting close together bent over Ryou's laptop. Kneeling by a paper, sketching out shapes. Talking, researching, and planning. Being together. Working together. The apartment filled with the sound of their voices every day. Time spent relaxing too. Ryou reading from a book with Bakura's eyes on him, sitting just close enough their shoulders brush together. Little fragments of memories passing by until one finally comes sharp focus.

"I want you to build the model for it. I know it's going to take a while but we have time. I want it to be accurate. Every last building and doll needs to be perfect." 

"I've never made something so large before. The amount of research and planning..." Ryou frowns at the project notes on his laptop's screen. It's going to be a huge undertaking. His dinner sits untouched on the coffee table in front of him. "Where are we going to put it? All that space, and transporting it after-" 

"Quiet. One question at a time." Bakura frowns at him. He's hovering over the arm of the couch. "You've already done the necessary research, I can fill in any gaps. As for space, we can do it here on the floor. You only have to move a few things. You don't have to worry about transporting it either, I will take care of it when the time comes."

"I... You've actually thought this through haven't you?" Ryou blinks in surprise. It's a more thorough plan than any of the others. 

"Hmph. Will you help me or not?" He sneers. 

"I will. Of course, I will. I said I would." Ryou looks at the floor of his apartment, mentally calculating the proportions. "It's going to take time but I can do it." 

"We have time. The pharaoh's attention is being diverted by other problems. We're going to use it to our advantage. When will you start?" 

We. Our. A small change in the spirit's way of speaking, but it means everything to Ryou. It fills him with a mix of warmth and guilt. Bakura's acknowledgment means a lot to him but he's betrayed his friends. "I'll pick up supplies tomorrow and get to work. It's too late tonight, the stores are closed." _There was no other choice._

"Hm. It'll do." Bakura huffs. He floats around to hover in front of Ryou, crossing his arms. "We have our plan. Eat Yadonushi." He nods at the bowl. 

"Since when do you notice if I eat or not?" He saves his notes and sets his laptop aside. He picks up the bowl of udon with both hands, it's still warm. He sips at it slowly, watching Bakura over the rim of the bowl. 

"Tch. I don't want you wasting away. We have work to do, a lot of of it." The spirit glares at him, narrowing his eyes.

We. There it is again. A fluttering in his stomach. Warmth and guilt. The guilt is fading away a little each time though, overpowered by the warmth. "I'm not wasting away, I eat enough." He finishes the udon under Bakura's watchful glare though. I wonder if he's worried. It's... kind of sweet.

Bakura hovers behind him as he cleans up, scrubbing the dishes, wiping down the counters, sweeping the floors, and taking out the trash. He's never done this before. He glances at the spirit every so often and each time he finds Bakura staring at him expectantly. "Penny for your thoughts?" He finally speaks up. 

"What nonsense are you speaking now?" Bakura's brows furrow together and the corners of his mouth turn down as he scowls.

"It's a saying. It means 'what's on your mind?' You usually don't hang around this long when I'm cleaning. Besides that, you're staring." He wipes his hands clean in a towel, watching the spirit.

"I am not staring. Say what you mean when you speak Yadonushi, not in riddles." He huffs. "... I want you to finish reading the book we started last week. It was interesting." 

"Of course you like medieval history," Ryou mutters under his breath. "Let me change for bed and lay down. I'll meet you in my soul room... and you can just ask next time. You don't have to follow me around."

"Hmph. Don't take too long." Bakura huffs and disappears.

Ryou shakes his head, feeling a mix of amusement and affection. He takes a quick hot shower and changes into his pajamas before crawling into bed. He can feel Bakura's impatient tugging. He's falling before his head hits the pillow, laughing. He lands softly in a pile of pillows in his soul room. It's warm, sunlight streams through the skylights. Bakura is crouched in front of him, holding out the history book.

"You know you can read them on your own right? I don't mind." He accepts the book and flips it open, searching for where they left off. 

Bakura mutters something unintelligible under his breath in response. He scoots closer to Ryou until their shoulders are pressed together. 

"I didn't hear you." Ryou skims the pages, finding the chapter. 

"Read Yadonushi." An elbow digs into his ribs. 

"Ouch- Okay okay I found where we stopped last time." He starts reading aloud to the spirit. This chapter talks about the development of weaponry. 

Bakura seems interested. He leans closer, looking over his shoulder at the pictures. Their hips and legs press together. This is the closest they've ever sat together. 

Ryou can feel his cheeks starting to burn. He does his best to ignore the feeling until Bakura's head drops heavily onto his shoulder. He jumps in surprise, pausing in the middle of a sentence.

"Why did you stop?" Irritation colors the spirit's voice. "Keep reading. We've just gotten to the interesting part."

"Right- yes- of course-" Ryou stutters. Bakura has never acted like this before, it's caught him off guard. His eyes find the correct line and slowly he begins to read again. The spirit shows no sign of moving, his cool breath ghosts over Ryou's collar bones. Goosebumps break out over his skin, it tingles, but he does his best to ignore the feelings in favor of reading. 

The memory blurs around the edges, then melts mixing with the next. Sound overlaps and echoes before coming into sharp focus with the images. Ryou is juggling several bags of paint, brushes, and sand along with buckets of clay and thin boards. It's a lot to carry at once but somehow he's managing. 

"You look like you're going to fall over any minute. You should have made multiple trips." Bakura hovers by his side, eyeing the precarious balance of items in his arms. "You're going to drop something." 

"No, I'm not, I've got it Kura. I didn't want to make several trips to the store for supplies. This way we'll be able to work for a while uninterrupted." Ryou's shoe catches on a ledge as he talks, his heart skips a beat as he nearly goes sprawling across the asphalt. A pair of strange hands grab him by the arms, half catching his items half catching him, another smaller pair grabs the back of his jacket, preventing disaster. 

"Ryou are you alright?" Yugi's voice, behind him. 

"Yeah, that was a close one bud." Joey in front of him, helping him straighten up. "What are you doing with all this by yourself?" 

"I ah I wanted to buy in bulk because it wasn't as expensive. It's for a project... for... my dad." He can feel Bakura's eyes glaring a hole through his head. "He asked me to make a model for the museum. They're doing a new display. Thank you for catching me but I can take it from here-" 

"Let us help you." Yugi steps in front of him. "You haven't been to class for weeks. We've all been worried." 

"I..." Ryou hesitates, expecting to feel the ring dig into his skin any moment. His eyes slide over to Bakura, the spirit is glaring at Yugi instead of him for now. _I thought you said the pharaoh was busy Kura._ He projects the thought towards the spirit. "I don't really have that far to walk."

"I thought he was, but apparently his light half is interested enough in your well-being to check on you." Bakura huffs behind him. "Let them help. You're making yourself look suspicious." 

"Even better than eh?" Joey gathers up the heaviest bags from him and takes a step back. "Lead the way bud."

Yugi holds out his hands too, offering to help as well. "We missed you." 

Ryou gives into their help, at last, sighing. "I'm sorry for worrying you." He hands off some of the smaller bags to Yugi. "I wasn't feeling well for a while. Battle city was... difficult."

"It was." Yugi falls in step beside him. "You look better now though, I'm glad."

"Man you're lucky getting out of all that homework though." Joey falls in step behind them. 

"I still do the work remotely Joey." He chuckles. "I've started to get better recently, that's why my dad gave me this project."

"Everyone will be glad to head you're doing well. Do you think you'll come back to class soon?" Yugi smiles up at him. "We could play games together again."

Yugi's smile is infectious, it's easy to smile back. "I'm not sure, this project is going to take up a lot of my time. My dad wants it done as soon as possible for the new exhibit. I'll try to though." 

"Don't get his hopes up." Bakura snorts. "I still don't like him." 

_You don't like anyone._ He retorts through their bond. "My apartment is just up here. Thank you for the help." They climb the steps to his doorway without incident.

"Any time. Keep in touch alright? And don't carry so much stuff at once next time. You coulda seriously hurt yourself." Joey sets his burden down in front of the door.

"I'll catch up with you in a minute Joey." Yugi sets his bags down as well but lingers by the door. 

"Take your time Yug. Take care of yourself Ryou." Joey lifts a hand in farewell and slips back down the stairs.

"How did-"

"What do you-"

They both speak up at the same them, then apologize at the same time. Ryou can't help but laugh. "I'm sorry you looked so serious..." 

"You did too." Yugi laughs too. "I was just wondering... if you were able to reach your soul room. Did my advice help you?" 

"It did I..." Ryou hesitates to say more. The ring shifts ominously under his shirt, he can feel Bakura glaring a hole into the back of his head too. "I was able to see it. It's more than I expected." 

"Be careful how much you say." The ring radiates a wave of cold across his skin. "Don't give away our plans." 

"Did it... what about the spirit? Were you able to talk to him?" 

"Not yet, he still won't talk to me." Lying to Yugi hurts. It brings back all the guilt he felt before and more. "I... I wish he would. I worry for him." The half-truth is easier, but it still hurts. 

"Don't waste your worry on me." Bakura's voice drifts past his ear. 

"I hope you two can get along soon." Yugi softens, smiling again now. "If you ever need to talk to someone about it I'm here for you. You have my cell number." 

"I know." Ryou knows Bakura is going to hate it, but he reaches out and squeezes Yugi's hand. "You've already done so much for me. More than enough." 

"That's what friends are for." Yugi turns the full force of his grin on him. "We're all here for you. No matter what." 

"Thank you, Yugi." All he can do is smile back, even though it hurts. "I'll see you around." He steps back and gathers up his many bags. By the time he straightens up again, Yugi has gone. He fumbles for the door hand and stumbles inside. 

"Do you regret offering to help me Yadonushi?" The spirit almost sounds curious.

Ryou sets down his burden in the livingroom, neatly arranging his supplies. "I don't. I want to help you Kura. If I didn't I wouldn't have offered." There was no other choice. I want to help him, I need to help him. 

Bakura drifts along into his sight, his expression unreadable "... You did well with them, throwing them off the plan. I thought the pharaoh would be too busy to show up. Perhaps now he will be more occupied." 

"Thank you." He accepts the rare praise without protest. It eases his guilt. "Are you ready? This is going to be a long process." 

"It will be worth it in the end. Come, let's plan out the buildings." Bakura's hands ghost through the boards. "This will not complete itself." 

A small thrill runs through him. He can't help but be excited about such a large project. Bakura is almost being nice too. He shrugs off his jacket and lays down the boards, eager to work.

\---

"It's a shame the model didn't survive." He returns to his memory space with a smile on his face. It feels like fingers are carding through his hair again. "It was hard facing Yugi like that, but I was already committed. I knew what I was getting myself into when I decided to help you." 

_Yadonushi._ A tender sigh against his ear. 

"At least these memories don't hurt. I'm tired of being hurt Kura, so tired of it." He sighs and leans into the gentle feelings. "It was the happiest month of my life." The memories click into place guided by his hands, one by one. 

_Click. Click._

"It was when I put a name to how I felt." 

_Click. Click._

"I desired you."

_Click. Click._

"I loved you."

\---

"No, no. That building goes here, not there." Bakura's transparent finger enters his vision, pointing at a space marked out on the board. "And the color is wrong." 

"I asked you what color it was supposed to be earlier, and you said it was fine." He moves the building to its proper spot without protest. The city is steadily coming to life under his hands with Bakura's instructions. Only a quarter of the board is filled but it's already clear to him, this is the greatest model he's ever created. Even with the intent behind the project he can't help but feel a soft glow of pride.

"I changed my mind." His voice is light instead of sarcastic. If it were anyone else he'd say Bakura was joking with him. 

"You can change your mind again then." Ryou bravely jokes back, taking a chance. "I think it looks good as is." 

"Hn..." Bakura's eyes rake over the board before meeting Ryou's. "Leave it. If it sticks out too much later you can change it then." 

"It'll look fine." There's no fear when he meets the spirit's gaze now. There hasn't been for a while. He carefully arranges the other finished buildings. The town is steadily coming to life under his hands. "There, that's the last one for now." He looks around the room now, instead of at Kura. 

The living room is in chaos, organized but still chaotic. Newspapers are spread out across a section of the floor, decorated with brushes and paint tubes. Carved buildings sit on it as well, drying out. Buckets of clay are stacked up. One is set apart from the rest, half emptied. Ryou can't help but smile at it all. This is something his father never would have allowed him. He enjoys being surrounded by his hobby like this.

"...Yadonushi. Yadonushi!" Irritation color's Bakura's voice. "Where has your attention gone?"

"I'm sorry." Ryou's eyes snap back to him. He smiles apologetically. "I was thinking about how much I've been enjoying this project. I like the work and I like spending this time with you."

Bakura pauses in the middle of saying something, clearly caught off guard.

"I mean it, I do." Ryou rests his chin on one hand, observing him. The spirit still seems to be in a good mood still. He decides to take a chance and ask something that's been in the back of his mind. "Why do you still call me Yadonushi? You never call me by my name." 

Bakura frowns slightly and stares him down as if debating whether or not to answer. There's a flicker of something unfamiliar in his eyes but as soon as it's there, it's gone. "Only I call you Yadonushi. The pharaoh and all that surround him call you by your given name."

His eyes widen, heat floods his face, a blush spreads rapidly across his cheeks. It's not the answer he was expecting. There's a mix of possessiveness and something softer in Bakura's tone. "I- I think I understand um... Do you like the name that I gave you?"

"If I didn't like it I wouldn't respond to it." His tone has turned annoyed again as if this should be obvious.

The blush spreads from his cheeks to his ears. "I'm- I'm glad you like it." 

"Hn." Bakura looks around the room as well now, studying the scattered pieces of their project. "We're ahead of schedule. You've been working hard." 

Ryou can feel his entire face glowing now from the praise. "I'm excited to work on this, to help you. I want to make sure we finish on time." 

"You will." Bakura's brows furrow together like when he's annoyed, but it seems like he's struggling with words. "You earned a break. Go eat." 

"I... alright?" He's caught off guard by the subject change but lets it go. He wonders what's on the spirit's mind. "I'll make dinner then. I wish you could eat with me, I like cooking for other people." 

"It's not meant to be Yadonushi." His voice is almost sharp. "Put the thought from your mind. Eat." He disappears without another word. 

"Ah..." Ryou deflates when he disappears. The moment is gone. He retreats to the kitchen to cook and finds himself glancing around for Kura often. The spirit had been hanging around more and more often recently, he grew used to his presence and snarky comments. The apartment feels too big and empty by himself. 

He picks at his dinner, pushing it around the plate. _What is Kura doing now?_ He keeps expecting the spirit to appear any moment, but he doesn't. Finally, he finishes his dinner and cleans up before retreating to bed. _I'll check in on him. Just for a minute._ He curls up and closes his eyes, it's all too easy now to fall into his soul room. 

Warm red and orange tones paint the wooden floors. Sunset. Ryou turns in a slow circle, searching, and spots Bakura on the floor near the buckets of clay. The spirit is messing with a lump of clay and clearly, he's been at it for a while. Clay is smeared all over his hands, caked under his nails. His expression is somewhere between concentrated and annoyed. 

"Kura?" Ryou calls out softly as he approaches. "What are you working on? I can help." He sinks to his knees in front of the spirit and peers at what's in his hands. It looks like the start of a doll. 

"Nothing." He shoves it out of sight under the table and picks at the clay under his nails. "What are you doing here?" 

"Looking for you. You left suddenly earlier, I was worried." _It's lonely without you. I wanted to see you._

Bakura's eyebrows pull together as he frowns. "You wanted to spend more time with me Yadonushi?" 

"I thought I made that clear to you weeks ago. I enjoy spending time with you outside of our project." Ryou fidgets, feeling Bakura's gaze boring into him. He reaches for a nearby towel and gently tugs Bakura's hands into his lap to wipe them clean. "Do you want to spend time with me?" He asks softly. 

Bakura shifts his hands once they're clean, cool fingers wrapping around his wrists like manacles. _No, never again like manacles. I chose to be here. I still choose to be here, with him._ Each point of contact burns from the difference in their temperature, standing out in clear detail. 

"Yes." The spirit's voice is quiet too as if speaking too loud will shatter this moment. "Pick out a book. I want you to read to me again." His fingers unwrap one by one as he stands, leaving Ryou shivering.

"Right. Yes. I'll pick something out now." _It's never felt like that before. Does he feel it too?_ He scrambles to his feet when Bakura walks away and browses the shelves. _What should I pick this time? We usually read history, um..._ His fingers trail over the familiar spines of his favorite books, tracing familiar gilt lettering. His fingers catch on one sticking out, he pulls it out the rest of the way. _The Lion Witch and the Wardrobe. A fiction book, it could make a nice change._ He turns to look for Bakura and when he sees where the spirit has settled he blushes from the roots of his hair down to his neck. 

Bakura settled in a pile of pillows in a corner of the room. He has several stacked up behind his back and more scattered on the floor around him. He's lounging against the wall, waiting for him. It almost resembles a bed. Willing his blush to die down he walks over and settles into the open space next to the spirit, leaning against a separate stack of pillows. Silently, Bakura snakes closer and winds his arms around his waist, resting his chin on Ryou's shoulder. Each touch is a new brand, burning into his skin. His breath catches, he forgets how to breathe. 

"What is this?" The spirit's eyes skim the cover. 

_Breathe._ Ryou forces his lungs to work again, inhaling sharply. "A fiction book. It's not real, it's meant to be read for pleasure. I read it when I was younger." He pulls his knees up slightly and rests the book on his thighs, covering his lap. He thumbs the pages, finding the first page. 

"Hn." Bakura studies the illustration at the beginning of the chapter curiously. His breath ghosts past Ryou's jaw and neck, raising goosebumps. "Read on." 

_Focus._ "Of course." His eyes zero in on the opening line and slowly he starts to read aloud. It's more distracting than last time, having Bakura this close to him. He's caught on the edge of being too warm and shivering. The weight of the spirit's head resting on his shoulder, the fact that Bakura is basically hugging him- _Does this count as cuddling? Did it count as cuddling before?_

"Yadonushi. You stopped reading." Bakura's voice interrupts his thoughts. "It's interesting." He shifts closer, tucking his head more comfortably against his collarbone.

"I'm sorry." He apologizes automatically and glances down at the spirit. Bakura's forehead is creased right between his eyebrows, as it always is when he's annoyed. His eyes are half-lidded though, almost sleepy, and his body is relaxed. Ryou's gaze lingers on his face, taking in each similarity and difference between them before falling on his lips.

_Oh... I... This feeling... I want to..._

"Yadonushi?" Bakura tilts his head to peer at him, frowning. Everywhere their skin brushes together burns. "Why are you looking at me like that?" 

A flush spreads rapidly across his cheeks and ears. "I'm not." He snaps his gaze back to the book. "I just lost my place. We left off um..." He finds the line and starts reading again, hoping that the spirit won't press the subject. He can feel Bakura's eyes on him for a while after, but he doesn't interrupt the story. 

_I can't tell him this. I can't act on it. I'll do everything I can to help him, everything that he'll let me do, and that's it. He would never accept it._

\---

"I wanted to kiss you. I was terrified when I figured it out. What if it pushed you away all over again? I didn't want that." Ryou stares out at his memories, hanging still for the first time since Egypt. He can feel the impression of a body pressed against his back, breath ruffling his hair. "I didn't dare bring it up or even think about it around you in case you were listening but you... something changed between us." He stretches out a hand above him, gently guiding the next pieces into place. "You started initiating contact more. Making excuses to sit by me, touch me, my hands, my hair, my face... It drove me crazy until we hit a breaking point..." 

\---

"...and you can attach two clay pieces together like this. Use the tools to push them together instead of your fingers. It's more precise and less messy." Ryou holds up the little completed figuring cupped in his palms. He's sat back to chest against Bakura with the spirit peering over his shoulder. Bakura's hands lay palm down on his thighs. The point of contact burns like a fresh brand even through his jeans. 

"Hn..." Wintery breath ghosts across his cheek. "I see why mine fell apart now."

Ryou carefully steers his thoughts away from the feelings dancing across his skin. "Right. Because you were trying to stick two smooth pieces of clay together. You have to score it first so it has something to grip onto." Bakura's hands shift, brushing up higher along his outer thighs, igniting new lines of fire demanding his attention. _Breathe. Think about something else._ He inhales sharply and leans forward, putting the little figuring on the edge of the table. He looks around his soul room searching for anything to focus on besides Bakura. 

"I'll try it out later." Bakura's chin drops onto his shoulder and his arms wind firmly around his waist, pulling him back.

 _Breathe._ He has to remind himself again. It feels like he's been caught by a predator, hovering over him with teet poised at his throat. Breathe. It was easier to brush off when it was little touches. Bakura lightly brushing his hair out of his face, fingers lingering along the side of his face or curve of his neck. Their shoulders brushing as they lean over their project. Hands brushing as they reach for the same book. Even Bakura tucking his head against his shoulder when they read together, pressed together from shoulder to hip. _But this... I should say something. I should really say something now._

"...Yadonushi you're ignoring me again." He murmurs, lips almost brushing against the skin of Ryou's neck.

Every hair on Ryou's body stands up. His face burns, a flush spreading across his cheeks and down to his neck. "I'm paying attention. Really." 

"What did I just say then?" Bakura's nose skims the curve of his jaw as he tilts his head to look at him. 

_Breathe. If I moved my head just a little..._ _No. Don't focus on that._ He turns his head to the opposite side, looking at his bookshelves instead. "I... It was... A question about the doll I made?" Fingers firmly grasp his chin and guide him to face Bakura. The spirit's face is right there, they're almost nose to nose. Too close. _Why is he acting like this?_ He can't help it, his eyes zero in on the spirit's lips and his mental strength crumbles. _I want to kiss you._

Bakura's lips curl into a smirk. "Wrong Yadonushi. And there it is. That's what's been distracting you the past few weeks." He looks satisfied like he's unraveled a mystery.

His eyes snap up at that, his heart drops. He knows. Ryou tries to pull away but Bakura is as unmoveable as a marble statue. 

"Is this all it was? I'm disappointed." He muses aloud.

Ryou's stomach twists uncomfortably as he tries to control his panic. _Is this all just a game to him? A puzzle to figure out?_ Futilely, he tries to move away again but he's stuck. _Is he going to throw me away now?_

The spirit's smirk melts into a frown, then a scowl. "You're thinking too loudly, and making too many assumptions. He tugs him closer, their noses brush together. "Ask me." 

Ryou gapes at him, trying to remember how to form words with his mouth. "I thought you didn't really care for anything outside your revenge."

"That wasn't a question Yadonushi." Bakura's eyes never leave his. It feels like his gaze is burning a hole through him. "Try again. I'll allow you to ask one. I'll answer honestly."

His mouth goes dry. _Only one?_ There are too many he wants to ask now that he has the opportunity to. _Which one would be best?_ He debates, turning them over in his mind until he asks the one he thinks is the most important. "Am I still disposable to you?" His voice only wavers on the word 'disposable'. 

"I thought you would know the answer to that one by now. No, Yadonushi. You are not disposable." Bakura tilts forward, pressing their foreheads together. "You are necessary."

Ryou can barely hear him over his heartbeat pounding in his ears. At last. A glimpse of the same tenderness he saw at Battle City. _It was real._ "You too. Ask me one question, anything." It's only fair to lay himself bare as Kura has done for him. 

Bakura studies him quietly as he thinks. Ryou wonders if the spirit is agonizing over what to ask as much as he did. "Why did you reach out to me time after time?"

"I care for you." This is something he's thought of often. The words pour from his lips. "Even after you hurt me all I could think of was how much you suffered. I know what it's like to be lonely. I wouldn't wish it on anyone but especially not you. You share my soul, we're bound together." He finally relaxes, letting his forehead rest against Bakura's. _I like having you close to me._ "I need you. I wanted you to need me too." _Please understand. Don't make me say it out loud. I can't. Not yet._

Bakura's fingers finally slide away from his chin. They skim his cheek, the line of his jaw, then curl around the back of his neck, a gentle pressure. "I understand Yadonushi." His gaze flickers to Ryou's lips, then back to his eyes.

His heart skips a beat. Slowly, lightly, he skims his fingers over Bakura's jaw. He never thought he'd be allowed this close to the spirit. "Please?" He asks softly. 

The hand on the back of his neck tightens, holding him in place. Bakura's head tilts and their mouths brush together softly. A spark ignites between them and Ryou wants. He makes a soft keening sound and presses forward, seeking more contact, needing it. Each brush of skin on skin is a new bolt of heat, flaring over him. His fingers tangle in Bakura's hair when he pulls away, keeping him close. 

"Yadonushi-" Bakura starts to speak against his lips. 

Ryou doesn't want to talk, not now. "Again." He twists his fingers tighter into Bakura's hair and pulls him forward. Hot and cold. The burn of being pressed together. He drowns in the sensation. Fingers skimming down his bare arm to press against his waist. A hand creeping up from his neck to tangle in his hair and pull on it. "Ouch-!" He yelps, tilting his head back. "What... what was that for?..." It's hard to catch his breath. His body aches to be pressed back against Bakura's chest. Somehow, he's ended up straddling Bakura's lap, his knees on either side of his hips. 

"To get you to breathe." The hold on his hair loosens. "I didn't know you would be this eager." Bakura's breaths come more even than his, he hardly looks phased. 

His cheeks flush a deep shade of red. _It isn't fair. He can affect me like this and still be..._ Some of his embarrassment fades as he spots the small cracks in Bakura's composure. The flush of color on the tips of his ears. The warm, possessive gleam in his ruby eyes. The light touch of fingers sneaking under the hem of his shirt to stroke over his lower back. It burns, leaving new lines of fire across his skin. His body is caught between overheating and shivering. "You want this as much as I do." He presses closer again, bravely winding his arms around Bakura's shoulders.

Bakura's eyes flicker with surprise and desire. One of his hands settles in the hollow of Ryou's hips instead now, holding him back. It fits there perfectly as if Ryou's body was made for him. "You should know better than to test my patience now Yadonushi. I could hurt you." 

"You won't. I know you too well now Kura. You don't want to hurt me." He leans forward, fitting their mouths together again.

The response is immediate. Fingers dig into his hip. The hand in his hair tightens, pulling his head to the side, making him gasp. Bakura's cool tongue slides over his and he keens softly again. He wants- needs more, more contact, more of Bakura, his hips roll forward on their own, seeking something solid to rub against. 

Bakura growls into his mouth and pulls him back by his hair again. "Yadonushi-" 

Drool runs from the corner of his mouth, he can hardly breathe, but none of that matters now. "Please. Please Kura." He licks his lips and tastes copper. One of Bakura's teeth nicked his lower lip.

"Please what?" Bakura's eyes never move from his. "What do you want?" 

"Touch me." The plea falls softly from his lips. _Don't make me say the rest out loud. I can't yet. Please._

Amusement flickers across his face, his lips pull up into a half-smile. "I won't. This time."

 _This time?_ Before Ryou can process his words Bakura leans forward and nuzzles against him. Sharp teeth graze down across the sensitive skin of his neck, a sensation he didn't think would feel this good. He gasps as they dig into his shoulder, close to breaking skin. "Kura... Kura..." He rocks his hips forward and finds no resistance now. He rubs against the spirit's firm, flat, stomach, the contact sends shocks through his body.

"So eager. I haven't even done anything yet." Bakura murmurs against the mark he's left. 

Ryou feels all the blood rush back to his face. "You're the first person to touch me like this." He shivers involuntarily as fingernails scrape over his lower belly. "I can't, I can't help it ah-" The rest of his sentence dissolves into a low moan. Bakura's hand palms the front of his jeans and he needs. He rocks helplessly against the spirit's hand, seeking more contact.

"And I will be the last. No one else will ever touch you like this Yadonushi. Do you understand?" Bakura asks. His fingers work to open the front of Ryou's jeans, pulling them down out of the way. 

Ryou pulls back enough to see his face. "I only want you. I belong to you, but you belong to me too." He takes satisfaction in the caught off-guard expression on the spirit's face. It's always been difficult to surprise him. "Understand?" He grins, emboldened, and high off the sensations burning through him. 

"As you wish," Bakura murmurs. He pulls Ryou's head down and kisses him hard enough to bruise, biting at his lower lip. His hand slips teasingly into the front of Ryou's underwear, smooth marble fingers curling around his cock. 

He drowns in the sensation. He breaks the kiss, panting breathless pleas into Bakura's ear. His fingers dig into the spirit's shoulders, searching for something solid to hold onto while he rolls his hips. Bakura's hand is cool but it doesn't matter, Ryou is on fire, more aroused than he has ever been. Bakura leaves more marks, over his collarbone, his neck, behind his ear. 

"Let go Yadonushi," Bakura murmurs against the shell of his ear. "I am here." 

Ryou makes a soft strangled noise and buries his face in his shoulder. His entire body shudders, his hips stutter, and he cums into Bakura's palm. All the strength flows out of him, he would collapse if not for the spirit's arms, shifting to cradle him across his lap. He burrows into Bakura's cold chest trying to remember how to speak. 

"Interesting." Bakura holds up his sticky palm, examining it. Ryou's cum stretches between his fingers. "You had a lot built up."

"Don't- don't say that." His face flushes red again with embarrassment. "We should get you a towel and I... for you can I..." He struggles to articulate his question. 

"No." Bakura wipes his palm clean on his jeans. "Relax, you've done enough." His arms tighten around him, he tucks Ryou's head comfortably under his chin. 

Ryou wants to protest, but he's comfortable. Bakura's chest is cool against his burning face. He's cradled comfortably in his embrace. It's comforting, he feels safe, relaxed, and his eyes are steadily drifting closed. "Next time... you too." 

Bakura's chest rumbles with laughter under his ear. "We'll see." Cool lips press against the top of his head and he passes out.

\---

Ryou's eyes are wet when he opens them to the ceiling of his apartment. His body aces, not from the hole in his chest, but with longing. "Bakura?..."

 _Yadonushi._ The invisible touches feel almost solid now, brushing away his tears.

"Soon. We're almost there." Ryou leans into the phantom caress. "I can't wait to see you again. 

He closes his eyes and turns his attention inward. He picks up the glowing shape of his memories, his soul, carefully with both hands. The final pieces are drifting down, clicking into place on their own. He trails his fingers over the familiar surface. A doll. A doll made in his image dressed in loose Egyptian servant clothing with a kind expression etched on its face. It shines, completed in his hands. 

"I wish you had let me be there for you, during the game. Yug tried to explain to me after, what happened, but I couldn't understand. I was already broken." The memories tug at him, inviting him to submerge in them. "This is it. The end. If you aren't back after this I don't... I can't do this anymore. I'm sorry."

\---

Weeks of work and intimacy condensed into minutes. Flashes of images and sensations passing by him. Hands covered in clay. Paint smeared on his face. Bakura's laughter drifting past his ear. Hands everywhere. Being touched and touching him. They fly by one after the other in a blur until one comes into sharp focus. 

Ryou sits crosslegged in front of the completed model. He's putting the final touches of color on the dolls. Small, careful brushes of color on the faces. 

"The scar comes down further," Bakura murmurs against his ear. He's sat beside Ryou, watching him work over his shoulder. 

"Did it hurt? When you got it." He swirls his brush in pigment and carefully pulls the pink line of the scar further down the doll's cheek. He holds it up for inspection. 

"It's in the past." He brushes off the question. "That looks right. Now place them..." 

One by one he places the dolls in their starting positions according to Bakura's instructions. The model is almost intimidating up close, it's so large. Countless buildings are set up in clusters to form towns. The palace is the largest and most expansive of them all, towering over the rest of the buildings. The pharaoh's doll sits safely nestled inside the throne room along with several other familiar faces. The streets are filled with sand. Pyramids and other major landmarks sit nestled in large patches of sand, sculpted with sand dunes. Ryou can't help but feel pride as he looks over it all. It is the greatest model he's ever made.

"It's done." Bakura's eyes rake over the model, taking in its completed form. "You've done well Yadonushi. Better than I even hoped." 

"Thank you." He glows under the praise. "I... I have a small request. Now that it's done." His stomach flutters with nervous butterflies.

"What is it?" The full weight of the spirit's gaze falls on him.

"I know this is your battle, but I... I want to be there with you this time. As your partner." He pulls out one last doll he made in secret from his pocket. A replica of himself in Egyptian servant clothing. "Please, let me stand by your side.

Bakura's expression clouds over then freezes. "No." 

His heart drops. Desperately he tries to bargain. "Then- Even if you won't let me be in the game, let me watch. Let me be with you as a spirit and support you-" 

"My answer is no." His voice is like shards of ice. Sharp and cutting. "Do not ask this of me again. I will not change my mind." 

The words feel like a slap to the face. His eyes sting. Ryou carefully sets the doll of himself on the table, well away from the game board. "I won't, I'm sorry..." His voice wavers. "Can I... Can I ask for something else instead?" 

"What is it?" Bakura's voice softens slightly. "If it's within reason I will grant it."

"Spent the night with me in my soul room. The whole night." Ryou addresses the floor. "We can use the pillows to make a bed.

Bakura is quiet for long enough to make Ryou peek up at him. There's a tinge of red across the spirit's nose and the tips of his ears. "... Yes, that we can do. After you eat something. You skipped breakfast." 

Ryou warms from the inside out. "You noticed?" 

"Don't ask stupid questions." Bakura coughs and looks away. "I'll see you in a while." He disappears. 

A grin stretches its way across his face. _A whole night curled up with him... Maybe he'll touch me again. We haven't gone that far since the first time, we've been too busy..._ His heart flutters with anticipation. He darts into the kitchen to cook.

\---

The light of his soul room is dimmer than normal. Twilight instead of sunshine. Stars shine through the glass of the skylights. All the pillows and cushions have been rearranged in an interlocking pattern to create a mattress in the center of the room. Bakura is lounging on it, one leg bent, his arms folded behind his head. There's a lingering dust of pink across his nose and tips of his ears. 

Ryou feels another flutter of anticipation, excitement. He takes a seat in the open space beside the spirit and leans over him. "It's comfortable. Thank for... for giving me this."

"Hn." Bakura hand cups his cheek, thumb tracing over his cheekbone. "What are you expecting Yadonushi?" 

He leans into the touch, welcoming the contact. "I just... want to be with you. I want to touch you."

Bakura sits up, pressing their foreheads together "I would rather touch you." 

His face burns at how candid he's being. "I want you to feel good too. You haven't let me..."

"I feel good when you feel good. I'm not alive Yadonushi. All that is left of me is my spirit, bound by darkness and sealed in the ring. Every time I'm lost to the shadow realm a little more of my spirit is lost. I don't feel things the way that you do." 

"What do you feel, when we touch?" Ryou lays a hand over Bakura's, squeezing it. His heart aches for the spirit.

"I feel your warmth." Bakura's thumb runs gently over his face again. "I can feel how much my touch affects you. I feel the echo of your pleasure. We're connected." 

"Then I want..." He swallows his nerves. "I want you to kiss me. I want you to touch me."

"As you wish Yadonushi," Bakura smirks then kisses him. 

_I missed this, needed this._ He melts under Bakura's firm touch, guiding him to lay back on the pillows. Every spot where skin meets skin burns. Each lick of Bakura's tongue adds to the flames. He twists his head away to catch his breath, already panting. 

Bakura hovers above him, straddling his hips. Backlit by the light of the stars he looks ethereal. His eyes shine like gems. His fingers trace the hem of Ryou's shirt, dancing just under the edge.

 _Beautiful._ He thinks dazedly. "Please?" He asks softly. 

Bakura's fingers slide up his stomach, pulling the shirt up over his chest. Ryou shivers under his gaze. "Stay still Yadonushi. No matter what." He leans down, pressing an open-mouthed kiss to his collarbone. 

Heat spreads out from the point of contact like a firework. He whines low and soft in the back of his throat as Bakura's lips trace a path over his skin. He trembles when teeth drag over his sternum. A choked moan escapes when his tongue drags down over his stomach. Bakura knows exactly where to press to make him tremble. His fingers dig into the pillows as he resists the urge to move, to squirm under his attention. At last, Bakura's fingers trail over his hip bones, trace small circles into his hard, clothed cock.

"Bakura..." Ryou sighs softly. It takes all of his self-control not to arch into his hand. 

"What do you want Yadonushi?" He lays his head on Ryou's inner thigh, watching him.

"I want... I want to feel your hands." His fingers dig further into the silk pillows. His face is burning red. "Make me feel good. Please." 

Bakura turns and presses a kiss to his inner thigh. "As you wish. Lift your hips for me." 

Ryou obediently lifts his hips as Bakura tugs down his pants and underwear, tossing them to the side. His cock stands upright, leaking pre-cum over his foreskin. Bakura's hand supports his lower back, holding him up long enough to slip a pillow underneath. He feels exposed. Especially with the spirit still fully clothed. 

"Relax Yadonushi." Bakura's lips press against his forehead. "I won't hurt you." 

Ryou loops his arms around his neck, keeping him close for a moment. "I trust you Kura." He presses a kiss to the corner of his mouth then releases him. 

Bakura's expression softens. He gently nudges Ryou's legs further apart, settling between his spread thighs. Ryou watches transfixed as his fingers trace around the head of his cock, smearing precum down his shaft. His cock throbs as Bakura curls his fingers around it one by one. Bakura's hand moves in slow even strokes, sparking new sensations through his nerves. He presses the back of his hand against his mouth to stifle the noises he's making, soft whimpers, breathy moans. He didn't think it was possible to feel better than he did last time. Bakura is pressing each of his sensitive spots, teasing him. Flames of pleasure lick up through his body, burning him. 

Bakura's lips press against his thigh. "Breathe." 

Ryou inhales sharply. "I'm trying. It feels too good." Something wet and slick glides along his hole, he startles, pulling away. "What-" 

"It won't hurt." His slick finger slowly circles around his hole again. "It's going to make you feel even better." 

_I've never tried it. What if it feels strange? I read that it can feel good though..._ "I- okay- be gentle?" He stutters.

"I will." Bakura's hand tightens around his cock, working it with slow flicks of his wrist. His finger circles slowly once more before pressing inside. 

Heat pools in his lower stomach. A strange feeling, but not unwelcome. He feels it rotating slowly inside of him before pressing firmly up. A choked moan escapes him, he presses the back of his hand against his mouth to stifle it. Another finger presses inside him, thrusting now in time with the strokes of his hand. _It's too much._ It feels like lava burning through his veins. His thighs tremble, resisting the urge- the need to move into the sensations. Bakura's talented hands hold him there, dancing along the line of completion. Pleas fall from his lips unrestrained now, mixed with high whined and moans, progressively getting louder and louder.

Bakura presses more open-mouthed kisses, bites, and marks along his inner thighs and hips. Each one feels like a brand. He belongs to him. "Let go Yadonushi. Let go. I'm here." 

Ryou arches up at last, burning, drowning, and cums all over his stomach in long thick ropes. His throat is sore, he's floating, disconnected from his body, completely wrung out. Everything blends together into smears of color. Hands run a soft cloth over him, cleaning him gently. They dress him and nudge him to lay on his side. The room finally comes back into focus as Bakura curls up behind him, winding an arm around his waist. Warm, protected, cherished. 

Bakura's lips fit against the back of his neck. "Sleep." 

His eyes feel heavy. "Will you be here when I wake?" 

A pause. A moment of hesitation. "No. I will be in Egypt. It's time." 

His heart aches. He wants to face Bakura and ask him, beg him to stay here, but he knows the spirit will refuse. The grudge has been held for too long and he deserves closure. _At least he didn't lie to me._ "Promise me you'll come back. Even if you lose. Promise you'll find a way back to me no matter what." 

"I promise." Bakura's arm tightens around him. "No matter what happens I will find a way back to you Yadonushi."

Ryou blinks tears out of his eyes. He lays a hand over Bakura's. "Thank you. I.. I love you." The confession is equal parts terrifying and freeing. 

"I will come back to you," Bakura speaks softly against the back of his neck. "Sleep Yadonushi." 

\---

Ryou wakes to sunlight alone. "Kura..." He sighs and touches the empty space beside him. "There's nothing I can do for him now... he's gone." He walks to the door of his soul room and tries to open it. Locked, as expected. "He's already fighting then... how long has he been gone?" He leaves the door reluctantly and wanders his soul room, looking at the dolls they made together, running his fingers along the spines of books they read together. Good memories. He paces restlessly to pass the time, fill the empty space with sound but eventually ends up laying back on the pillows, staring up at the skylight, his mind filled with memories of Bakura. _Come back to me. Please come back to me. You promised. I want to hear you answer my confession properly, without anything else between us. Please Kura._

It's impossible to tell how much time passes before his world shatters. There's a deafening crack, the skylight shatters, the room begins to shake. He sits bolt upright, gasping for breath, clutching his chest. It feels like claws hooking into him, shredding, tearing something from inside him. The pain is unlike anything he's ever felt. 

"No!" He stumbles to his feet, scrambling to get to the door. Books fall around him. Tables overturn. The model shatters across the floor. Pillows shred to pieces. He pounds on the door. "Bakura! Kura!" He hits the door hard enough to make his knuckles split and bleed. "Kura!" He hits the door once more and it cracks open. He falls forward into the darkness, drowning all over again. Alone. 

"Ryou?" A gentle voice calls to him. "Ryou, wake up. It's going to be alright. Wake up." He reaches for the source of the voice desperately, wanting to leave the suffocating darkness.

\---

Sunlight shines brightly into his eyes. Everything hurts. His head pounds rhythmically. The wound in his chest feels hollow and raw, bleeding cold like a cut bleeds blood. The ground is hot beneath him, an unfamiliar black jacket hangs around his shoulders, but inside he feels nothing but ice. He's shivering uncontrollably. 

Yugi is crouched over him. He smiles when Ryou's eyes meet his. "There you are. Welcome back. We were worried." 

"What..." Ryou pushes himself into a sitting position. Sand falls out of his hair. He runs his hands over the dark, rough cloth of the jacket, confused. "Where..."

"We're in Egypt. The spirit of the ring challenged the pharaoh again..." Yugi's explanation slides past his ears. It's too hard to focus on the words.

 _Egypt. Bakura really did challenge him_. The pain in his chest sharpens and spreads, splitting open like a fresh wound. He presses his palms to his chest, fighting to breathe evenly through the pain. He realizes a familiar weight is missing, absent from around his neck. "The ring- Yugi, where is the ring?" He interrupts his friend. 

"Lost along with the other millennium items." Yugi squeezes his shoulder. "I'm sorry Ryou but it's for the best. They hold no power buried in the ruins. No one can abuse them anymore." 

The pain in his chest sharpens again. _Lost. Bakura lost the duel._ _He said he would come back though. He promised, he promised!_ Yugi is speaking again, he tries to focus on the words but it's hard. "How... how are we getting home?" 

"Kaiba is calling a private plane. We'll be home in no time." He smiles sympathetically. "I'm sorry Ryou. I... I understand it's hard. I lost Atem, the pharaoh. If you want to talk about it I..." 

The offer falls on deaf ears. Tears blur his vision. "I'm sorry Yugi I need... I need time I..."

"We're all here for you Ryou." Yugi squeezes his shoulder again. "When you're ready, if you want to talk, we'll be here." He moves towards the rest of the group. 

Ryou pulls his knees up when he moves away, pressing his forehead against them. He desperately reaches for the connection that used to tie them together, calling Bakura's name, but it's gone. It's like trying to use a missing limb. Everywhere their souls had touched feels raw from Bakura being ripped away. Tears run down his cheeks but he can barely feel them. He wraps his arms tightly around his chest, clutching the jacket, choking on a sob. The only tangible thing left of Bakura now that he's lost the ring. A lump in an inner chest pocket presses into his sternum. He claws blindly at it, trying to get it open, and out of it spills a small figure. He stares at it, it's the doll he made in his image. Fresh tears sting his eyes. _You kept it this close to you? I wish I could have been there with you, at the end._ He clutches it in his hand, trembling. _Bakura I don't know where you are, I don't know if you can hear me but if you can please, please come back. I need you._

\---

Ryou surfaces from the memories with tears running down his cheeks. He sits upright and for the first time in weeks, he's not in pain. The throbbing in his head is gone. The aching wound in his chest has healed. The world is sharp around him, clear in a way it hasn't been since Egypt. "It only got worse from there. I made it home safe with Yugi's help but it only got worse from there." The rest of his memories have cleared. _A month. A month to get to this point._

"I lost a little more of myself each day. My memories became jumbled, I started to forget things, to forget you. I tried so hard to keep it together but it was impossible. It all became jumbled, lost. I couldn't feel anything but the pain of your loss." He scrubs at his eyes in vain trying to stop the flow of tears. "I locked myself away. Yugi, Joey, Tristan, Tea, they tried to help but I wouldn't let them. I barricaded the door. Turned off my phone. Nothing felt real anymore. I couldn't think, couldn't feel. Until I cut myself." His voice cracks. He presses a hand to his outer thigh. "The pain was so sharp, so real. It helped me focus. It helped me keep going, at least for a little while... then you showed up again." 

"Are you there Bakura?" He looks around the empty apartment helplessly. "Please, answer me because I... I can't do this without you. Don't ask me to." 

Arms wrap tightly around his waist, a chin rests on his shoulder. Solid, real flesh as pale as his own. "I won't Yadonushi. I promised I would come back to you. Bakura's voice, exactly as he remembered it, brushing against his ear with warm breath. 

"Kura?" His voice cracks. He rotates slowly in the embrace, heart fluttering. Bakura sits behind him, same pale skin and ruby eyes, but real flesh instead of transparent. "How?" His hand trembles as he traces the spirit's cheek. Cool but not unnaturally so, normal flesh and blood. His fingers trail down to press against the side of his neck, searching, a pulse beats steadily underneath them. "You're alive. You have your own body, a pulse a..." 

"So this is what you felt every time I touched you." Bakura catches his hand and moves it, pressing it back against his cheek. "It took longer than I meant it to. There were complications." 

"Complications... Complications?" Anger sparks inside him. "I want a full explanation- I deserve one! How could you? I thought you were dead, gone forever." Bakura's lips press against his, interrupting his rant. It feels better than it should. A slow, building heat instead of the burning fire. He gives into it, letting Bakura's tongue slide along his lips, into his mouth. 

Bakura pulls away after a moment, smirking. "I see now, why you enjoyed it so much. I will explain everything to you Yadonushi, answer all of your questions. But first, you need food and rest. I am not going anywhere." 

Ryou stares at him, still processing Bakura's sudden arrival, the kiss, everything. He lets his head tip forward, burying his face in the juncture of his neck and shoulder, winding his arms tightly around his neck. " Promise me you're real, that you'll be here when I wake in the morning." 

"I promise." Strong arms wrap around his waist. Hands run gently up and down his spine. "I'm here, I'm real. I won't leave you again." 

He sobs against Bakura's skin, crying freely. He cries until his throat is raw and his eyes sting. Bakura holds him the entire time, whispering apologies and soothing words into his ear. For the first time since Egypt, he is whole. 


	6. Chapter 6

Ryou wakes warm. His face is pressed into Bakura's chest. An arm is draped over his waist, fingers card gently through his hair. His eyes still feel heavy, sleep tugs at him, encouraging him to slip back under. He shakes it off though, yawning. He wants the answers he was promised. "Kura?" 

Lips press against his forehead. "I'm here Yadonushi." 

_Not a dream, or a hallucination._ Relief floods him. "You promised me answers." 

"And I will give them to you after breakfast. Hunger is... a strange sensation. How did you go without food for so long?" Fingers trail over his ribs, catching on each one.

He winces and squirms away from the sensation. "Nothing tasted right. It didn't matter what I cooked, how much spice I put in it, I couldn't taste anything."

"You'll start eating three times a day again." Bakura's voice is firm. "And you'll stop this." He traces the outline of bandages on his thighs. 

"I will." This at least is easy to agree to. "I'm sorry." 

"You have nothing to apologize for." Bakura's arms tighten around him, pulling him close again. "You're still here, alive. That's all that matters to me." 

"And you're here now." Ryou clings to him, digging his fingers into his arms. "For good." 

"I am. I promise." He presses gentle kisses around the perimeter of Ryou's face. "Come. You must eat. Then I'll give you your answers."

It feels like he's woken up from a long dream. It's difficult to leave Bakura's embrace but he managers. It's easy to stand, even easier to change his clothes. He has energy, vitality. He feels warm inside and out. He paces to the kitchen and pokes through the fridge and pantry, coming up with enough ingredients to make pancakes. Bakura hovers near him as he cooks but he doesn't mind. His presence is comforting. The smell of cooking pancakes is actually appetizing, it makes his mouth water. He even makes tea for the first time in weeks. Bakura sits across from him at the table, eats with him, and it's almost surreal. Every sensation feels new. Flavors bursting over his tastebuds. Tea warming him from the inside. Feeling full. The gentle touch of Bakura's hand on his knee, his thumb rubbing small circles into his thigh. It's almost enough to make him cry again.

When they finally settle on the couch to talk Ryou presses close against Bakura's side, enjoying the skin on skin contact, how solid he feels. "Explain it to me. Please." 

Bakura's arm wraps around his waist, pulling him closer. "Before I confronted the pharaoh I used the power of the ring to seal a portion of my soul within yours, separate from the rest of me. A failsafe in case the pharaoh was more thorough in trying to get rid of me." 

"He was. It felt like part of me was ripped out." He grips Bakura's free hand with both of his. "He's gone now though. To the afterlife." 

"I know. He should be glad of it too. If he were still within reach I would hunt him down and make him suffer for hurting you." His voice is scathing. 

"I forgave him for it already." Ryou kisses his cheek. "He thought he was doing the right thing. Go on, please. Tell me how you're sitting here with a body of your own, and why it took so long." 

"I used dark magic to create a body for me, one that would hopefully be released with my spirit. But something went wrong when we were torn apart. Your soul and memories shattered. Instead of being able to reach you easily, I was trapped within a mase. I tried to call for you, reach you, but I couldn't feel our bond anymore." 

_He was suffering as much as I was._ Ryou swallows around the lump in his throat. "But your voice... your presence... that was you, right? You guided me. Supported me while I pulled myself back together." 

"I did." Bakura squeezes his hands. "I managed to find my way through the maze. I was close enough to feel your presence, close but still out of reach. The bridge at the end of the maze, which would allow me to be released, was broken because you were broken. I stood on the edge of it and yelled for days, as loud as I could. You finally heard me, but only your name. I did what I could, to encourage you. As you pieced your memories, your soul together, the bridge was repaired. I could support you more and then finally, get out." 

"Then the memories... did you see them with me? You could hear me talking to you?"

"I did. I could. I was with you every step of the way." Bakura kisses the top of his head. "I'm proud of you Yadonushi. Not many could accomplish what you did, nevermind so quick." 

"I only could because you were with me. The sooner I finished the sooner I could see you." Ryou leans against him. "What now? You have a body. We can get you paperwork without much trouble. What will you do? You could go back to Egypt, or travel or..." 

"The only place I want to be is by your side." Straight forward honest sincerity. "Unless you decide to send me away." 

"I would never!" Ryou grasps his hand tightly. "I love you. I want you here, with me. I want to cook for you, show you the modern world, wake up with you. I'd love to travel with you, explore your home, see the world with you. I love you Bakura with all my heart and soul." 

Bakura's eyes burn with warmth, affection. He lifts Ryou's hand and kisses the back of it. "I love you Yadonushi, Ryou, with all my heart and soul."

He's torn between crying and kissing him. He wondered how Bakura would respond to his confession but never imagined this. He throws his arms around Bakura's neck and kisses him firmly. Gentle, building waves of heat wash through him. His fingers twin in Bakura's hair. Bakura's arm locks around his waist and presses a hand against the back of his neck. It's not the same connection they had, it never will be, but that does not make it less. It's new, loving, filled with desire. 

Bakura kisses him breathlessly before he pulls away. He holds Ryou back with a hand on his shoulder when he tries to press forward again. "Not now." 

"Why? I want you. I have for so long. You're here, flesh and blood we can finally..." Ryou bites his lip and tugs on a lock of his hair. 

"You need to recover." His hands slide down along Ryou's ribcage and spine. "You're fragile right now. I don't want to break you Yadonushi." 

Ryou bites his tongue to keep from pressing. He can see Bakura won't budge on it. "Then... what now?" 

"You relax until lunch." Bakura settles, satisfied. He shifts, pulling Ryou into his lap to cradle him. "And show me how this lightbox works." 

"You mean the television." Ryou scoops up the remote. "You want to watch television." 

"Yes. Show me how it works." His chin rests on Ryou's shoulder. "And perhaps, when you're feeling better, consider contacting your friend." 

He pauses in his explanation of the many-colored buttons. "You want me to call Yugi?" 

"He's no longer associated with the pharaoh. I can tolerate his presence if it makes you feel better."

Another surprise. "I.. I'll think about it. Look here, this button will turn it on..." 

They spend the afternoon intertwined on the couch, watching movies. Ryou even manages to eat a small lunch while Bakura wolfs down sandwiches one after the other. He looks around the apartment while he picks at his meal, taking in the mess it's become. _It will take time but it doesn't have to happen all at once. I want to clean up. I'm sure I can convince Bakura to help... maybe I can bribe him with kisses._ For the first time, he can see a different future ahead. One filled with his friends, happiness, love. Ryou wants that future more than anything.

\---

A week passes before he finds his phone. Another slips away before he can hold it without having a panic attack. He sits cross-legged on the bed with it now while Bakura cleans dishes in the kitchen. His hands tremble as he holds the power button. The loading screen flashes and the phone turns on. Countless notifications flash across it. Missed calls. Text messages. Voicemails. His eyes burn with unshed tears as he flicks through them all. Too many to read or listen to. His thumb hovers over Yugi's contact information, hesitating. Before he can talk himself out of it he hits the button and presses it against his ear. 

One ring. Two. Three. "Ryou?" Yugi's voice. Incredulous. Relieved. Worried. 

"It's me Yugi." His voice catches. Guilt sits heavy on his shoulders. "I'm... I'm sorry I should have called sooner. I..." 

"Breathe Ryou, it's alright. I'm not upset with you. None of us are." His friend's voice is firm, leaving no room for argument. "What happened to you?" 

Ryou swallows hard and scrubs his eyes with the heel of his hand. "It's a long story." 

"I have time. Tell me everything." 

Deep breath in. He gathers his courage and begins to weave the tale. All the way from the beginning. Yugi at least deserves the whole truth. He's done nothing but welcome Ryou with open arms, given honest advice, and be there for him. By the end he's apologized countless times, tears are running down his cheeks unchecked and Bakura has joined him on the bed. His hand is running soothingly up and down Ryou's back. 

"I forgive you Ryou, though I don't think you did anything wrong by helping the spirit." Yugi's voice is gentle, full of understanding Ryou isn't sure he deserves. It's incredibly comforting. "You love him, don't you?" 

"I do." He sniffles and wipes his tears away. "I understand if you and the others don't want to be around him." 

"I wouldn't dream of separating you two. As long as he promises not to attack us he's welcome to come along with you whenever we hang out. I'll explain it to the others. It won't be a problem." 

_What did I ever do to deserve such a good friend?_ "I'll let him know. Yugi I can't thank you enough for everything." 

"Don't worry about it." Yugi laughs, as carefree as always. "We're all here to support you. I'm sorry I couldn't do more for you before now. Stay in touch, please." 

"It's not your fault. I had to do it on my own. I'll stay in touch, I promise." He hangs up. 

"It went well?" Bakura probes gently. 

Ryou grins at him, wide, carefree, innocent. "It went well. I can't wait to introduce you to everyone properly."

Bakura's eyes widen. Shock. Disbelief. Incredulous. "You can't wait to what?" 

\---

"Finally clean." Ryou turns in a slow circle, surveying the apartment with satisfaction. The windows are open letting in a fresh breeze. With Bakura's help, the furniture has been vacuumed and straightened. Every surface has been dusted and polished. The wood floors gleam and smell of lemon polish. The bed is freshly washed and made, the pillows fluffed up. All the appliances in the kitchen shine. The chair wedged under the door has been removed, the trash bags hauled out. "It was worth the hard work."

"It looks good Yadonushi." Bakura's arms wind around his waist. His hands gently wander over him, touching his ribcage, hips, thighs. "But not as good as you. You've finally gained weight." 

It took weeks to build up to eating full meals again. It's all been worth it. "Are you calling me fat?" He swats his arm, teasing. 

"I wouldn't dare." Bakura smiles against his shoulder. "You would kick me to the couch." His fingers dance along the hem of Ryou's shirt. 

He laughs. "I enjoy having you in my bed too much to do that." He leans back into his partner's chest. "Even when you refuse to touch me." 

"I'm touching you right now." He chuckles, letting his fingers dip below Ryou's waistband. "Aren't I?" 

"You know what I mean. Don't think for a moment I believe your innocent act." He rotates in Bakura's embrace and throws his arms around his neck. "We haven't done anything but kiss. You're driving me mad." 

"Hn. I thought you liked kissing." Bakura's eyes are warm with mirth. "What would you prefer?" 

"You know what I want. Don't make me say it." A flush spreads across his cheeks.

"You blush like a virgin. It's endearing." Bakura chuckles softly. His hands slide over his hips to grip his thighs. "I'd like to hear what you want." 

"Bully." Ryou pouts, the blush creeps further over his ears, down his neck. He leans up, speaking quietly against his ear. "Please, take me to bed Kura? You're all I want." 

For a moment there's nothing but stunned silence. Then Bakura's grip on him tightens, his voice turns rough. "As you wish, Yadonushi." 

The ground disappears from underneath him. He yelps in surprise and tightens his arms around Bakura's neck. He's carried over to their bed and dropped on the comforter. "A little warning next time please." 

Bakura chuckles and sits beside him. "I'll consider it. I've taken you to bed Yadonushi. Now what? What do you want?" He asks again.

Ryou resists the urge to talk back, it'll get him nowhere. He's embarrassed at the thought of speaking his desires aloud though. He opens and closes his mouth a few times, trying to get the words out. When he finally manages to it's no louder than a whisper. Bakura leans in to hear him, pressing their foreheads together. "I want to make you feel good too this time. I want to... to make you feel good with my mouth while you prep me. Then I want... I want to feel you inside me." 

"Thank you Yadonushi." Bakura kisses both of his cheeks. "Do you keep oil nearby? I've no desire to hurt you." 

His face turns crimson all over again. He tilts his head, burying it into Bakura's shoulder. Bakura's hand rubs soothing circles into his lower back. "I um I keep something similar in the top drawer. How do we... how do you want to..." He's completely tongue-tied.

Gently, Bakura pushes him back. "Lift your arms." His voice is firm, his fingers skim under the hem of his t-shirt.

Obediently Ryou lifts his arms up over his head. His shirt is tugged up over his still hot face and tossed aside. He squirms under Bakura's gaze, fidgeting with his hands when Bakura does no more than stare. "Kura...?" He speaks up softly. 

"Beautiful." He murmurs. His eyes trail up and down Ryou's body. 

A warm glow lights in his chest from the praise. "You too now." He fingers the buttons on his shirt. "You don't get to hide this time."

Bakura catches one of his hands and kisses his knuckles. "Help me undress then Yadonushi." 

Touching Bakura directly, intimately, sends a thrill through him. Carefully he slips the buttons open one by one to reveal his chest. Pale, milky skin the same color as his own. Completely flawless. Not a scar or blemish in sight as Ryou pushes the shirt off his shoulders. Bakura has more muscle tone than him. A hint of abbs, lines of lean muscles on his arms. Ryou traces over them gently. Bakura's skin is smooth and slightly cool. He presses his hand flat over his heart, feeling it beat reassuringly against his palm. 

Bakura's hand covers his. "I'm real. I will not leave you. I will be by your side for as long as you allow me to be." 

"I could never send you away." Ryou leans in, catching his lips in a kiss. A familiar warmth lights in his stomach, spreading through him. He traces Bakura's lips with his tongue, moans softly when his mouth opens. Warm, familiar, loving. Bakura's hand splays across his lower back, pulling him closer and closer as they kiss. He whines softly when Bakura pulls away, panting. 

"Patience." Bakura kisses the bridge of his nose, then stands. Ryou watches, transfixed, as he undoes his jeans, kicking them off. His boxers are black with little skulls. There's an obvious bulge in them and he feels a flash of pride. _I did that. I affected Kura._

"These too." Bravely he reaches out and hooks his fingers into the fabric. "I want to..." 

"Go on." He encourages Ryou gently. His fingers card through Ryou's hair. 

Nerves. Anticipation He tugs the dark fabric down out of the way. He tugs the dark fabric down. Bakura's cock bobs as it's revealed. Uncut. Thicker than his own. His eyes go wide. That's going to be inside me. Will it fit?

Bakura tugs lightly on a lock of his hair. "Yadonushi, are you alright?" 

"I- yes." Ryou blinks and focuses on his face instead. "I'm sorry." 

"I won't hurt you." Bakura kisses his forehead." I promise." 

Ryou nods silently, the assurance makes him feel better. Swallowing his nerves he slides out of his sweat pants and boxers, kicking them onto the floor. His thighs are smooth now except for thin, pale, slightly raised scars. He fidgets with his hands while Bakura digs through the drawer, pulling out the small tube of lube. 

Bakura crawls back into the center of the bed. "Come, lay here." He pats the blanket beside him.

He creeps over slowly and settles, pressed against his side. The touch doesn't burn as it did before. It's just the simple warmth of skin on skin. It's comforting. He jumps as Bakura nuzzles behind his ear and gently traces the lines of his scars.

"You're precious to me. We don't have to do anything you don't want Yadonushi." He murmurs against his skin. "Understand?" 

"I do." Ryou feels a fresh blush creeping across his face. "But I... I want this. You. I have for a long time." 

"I'm yours. Take your time." Another kiss pressed behind his jaw, followed by a nibble on the back of his neck. 

He can't help but smile. He enjoys the affection, Bakura has shown it much more often now that he's come back. He curls closer to him, tucking his face against his shoulder. He reaches over and slowly wraps his fingers around Bakura's cock. It doesn't feel much different from holding his own. Smooth, warm, heavy against his palm. He curls his fingers around it firmly and strokes up, twisting his wrist as he reaches the head. 

Bakura's breath hitches. He pauses in sucking a mark into the back of his neck. "Yadonushi..." His voice is rougher, husky with arousal.

 _Only I can affect him like this. No one else._ Tucking his hair out of the way with his free hand he leans down and wraps his lips around the head of Kura's cock. A mild, bitter flavor spreads across the back of his tongue as he bobs his head, pressing his tongue flat against the shaft. He bobs deeper on each stroke until it hits the back of his throat. It's uncomfortable but he presses forward, swallowing until his nose presses against Bakura's pubic bone.

"Yadonushi-" Fingers twine firmly into his hair. "When did you-" 

Ryou hums softly, bobbing up then all the way down. He feels a sense of pride. _Only I can do this to him._

Bakura curses, the grip in his hair tightens. "Move your hips for me, lift them."

He lets Bakura's hand guide him onto his side, but his mouth never leaves his cock. After all the spirit did for him he wants the chance to make him feel good too. He shudders as slick fingers stroke over his hole. Everything feels more real here than the times in his soul room. He moans when the first slips in, circling inside him. Bakura is gentle with him, slowly working him open finger by finger to take his cock. He chokes briefly when he makes short, quick thrusts into his prostate. _Too much- It feels too good._ He sucks harder, hollowing out his cheeks as he works his cock.

The fingers twist and tug on his hair. "Enough. You did well, very well. Enough now." 

Reluctantly he lifts his head from Bakura's cock. His jaw is sore in a pleasant way. Drool runs from the corners of his mouth. Bakura's hands are gentle but firm, guiding him to lay on his stomach with his hips in the air. He rests his forehead on a pillow and inches his knees apart when Bakura nudges them. _I wanted this for so long._

Bakura leans over his back. One of his hands curls over Ryou's, tangling their fingers together. "Ready?"

"Please." Ryou squeezes his hand. The slick, thick head of Bakura's cock presses against him. _It feels so much bigger than his fingers._ He shudders as the head pops in and Bakura inches inside, stretching him, filling him. He gasps softly when Bakura's hips finally touch his. He's never felt so full. He tilts his head, hiding behind the curtain of his hair. 

"Yadonushi?" Gentle kisses pressed against his shoulder blades. Sharp canines dragging along the back of his exposed neck. 

"I'm okay." He breathes out. "It doesn't hurt it's just, new. I'm okay. You can move- slowly." 

"I love you." A kiss pressed to the back of his ear. 

"I love you too Kura." His name turns into a gasp as he snaps his hips. It's too much. It's not enough. The pleasure isn't comparable to what he felt the last night with Bakura. It's so much more. Real. Intense. The slick movement of skin on skin. Bakura's lips pressing against his ear, murmuring praise. Deep, burning warmth pools in the pit of his stomach. He clings to Bakura's hand, arches under his touch, babbling senseless pleas with each thrust as the warmth builds and builds. 

His free hand curls around Ryou's cock, stroking him in time with his thrusts. "So needy. Cum for me Yadonushi."

Ryou's entire body throbs. The heat in his stomach overflows. He arches back into him, feeling him connected to him deep inside, and cums all over Kura's hand. All the strength drains out of his body. He slumps to the bed except for his hips, still supported by Bakura's hand. He feels his thrusts start to slow, still hard inside him. "Not yet, you too." He squeezes his hand. "Please." 

"As you wish." Bakura thrusts quickly, pressing him into the bed, leaving him breathless. His teeth find the back of his neck again, biting hard enough to leave bruises. 

"I'm yours Kura." Everything is slick. Each thrust rocks his body. His cock twitches. "I need you." 

Bakura's hips snap one last time, pressing deep inside him. "I'm yours Yadonushi." 

Warmth blossoms inside him again. His limbs are heavy but he twists, catching Bakura's lips in a kiss. "Always." 

\---

He sits with his eyes at half-mast, his head resting against the back of the seat, sorting through his memories. It's easy to recall things now. A simple task to pluck out the ones he's looking for. A smile tugs at his lips as he sorts through the past few months. 

Countless new memories. Their first trip to the beach. Building a sandcastle together. Being chased through the water by Bakura. Picked up and spun around, dunked underwater. Laughing so hard his ribs hurt. 

Introducing Bakura to the modern world. Sorting out the issue of paperwork and other legal documents. Getting him enrolled in classes along with Ryou. Trying to make him pay some sort of attention during lectures. Teaching him to use the internet and losing his laptop for weeks afterward so Bakura could use it to sate his curiosity. 

The first time Bakura met Yugi, Joey, Tristan, and Tea face to face. It was awkward at first. Joey and Honda posturing to pick a fight and Bakura looking at them unamused. Tea eyeing both of them warily. Yugi getting between them all to play peacekeeper, shooting Ryou an apologetic look. The warmth of Bakura's fingers tangled in his. 

Quiet moments spent together in their apartment curled up under the same blanket. Cooking together. Eating together. Watching movies. Reading. Gentle touches and kisses. Countless kisses. 

"Yadonushi." Bakura tugs lightly on a lock of his hair. "Still with me?" The sun is rising through the plane's window, glinting off buildings thousands of miles below them. 

"I'm here, I was lost in thought. Did you ask me something?" He shifts closer, pressing their shoulders together. 

"Is it normal for us to be going down?" Bakura's gaze darts from the window to his face multiple times. 

"Yes." Ryou laughs. "We must be getting ready to land. I can't wait to show you around." His hand covers Bakura's on the armrest, worming his fingers between his tense ones. 

"Hn. I'm looking forward to it." He pointedly looks away from the window as they hit turbulence. 

He laughs softly again. "Don't worry, that's normal." 

"I don't see how anything that flies this high could be normal." 

Ryou suppresses a grin. He studies Bakura in the rising sunlight. He's dressed in new modern clothes, jeans, a button-down, and a dark jacket. Lit from behind like this he could be an angel. _He is one. He's mine. Without him, I wouldn't be here._

"What sentimental nonsense are you thinking of now Yadonushi?" Bakura's fingers card through his hair, pushing it out of his face.

 _He can still read me like an open book._ "I was thinking of how I wouldn't be sitting here without you. We went through a lot of pain together and separately to get here. I would go through it all again, as many times as I had to, to be here with you. You're worth it Kura. We've already made so many good memories together." 

"This is only the beginning." Bakura presses their foreheads together, shuddering as the plane wavers again.

The intercom chimes. "Please fasten your seatbelts for the descent. Welcome to London, England. The temperature today is..." 

He finally grins. "I'll hold your hand until we land. I promise not to tell anyone." 

"You'd best not Yadonushi, or you'll be in trouble." Bakura kisses him lightly then relaxes with his head tilted back against the seat, eyes closed. 

Ryou softens at the sight. He tucks his head against Bakura's shoulder and laces their fingers together. Bakura squeezes them back tightly but otherwise doesn't move. Ryou watches out the window as they descend through the clouds. _Another first experience for us. One more day in the rest of our lives._ A flutter of excitement bubbles in his chest. _One more step into our future together._


End file.
